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Portlands Rapid Response Team (left) and the right-wing meme they were trained with (right).
Portland's Rapid Response Team (left) and the right-wing meme they were trained with (right). Doug Brown

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I've had to work much harder than this for something I want—don't try to resist me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Not-so-great headline of the day: "Omicron may infect half of Multnomah County residents by next month." Tri-county lead health officer Dr. Jennifer Vines told reporters yesterday that while roughly half of the county could be "infected with omicron between mid-December and some time in February,” vaccines and boosters are significantly reducing the severity of the cases, and like elsewhere, the number of new infections will most likely be dropping soon.

• Today in ignorant ding-dongs: Yamhill County Commissioner Mary Starrett is putting her own health department on blast for refusing to discredit the effectiveness of vaccines, and is threatening to withhold the department's necessary accreditation letter in retaliation. Hilariously, she recognizes this move could end her political career, but is okay with it because “it’s time we start doing stuff like this.” Welp, I suppose the sooner she destroys her career, the better.

• Did you know that the cops have been blocking attempts at a fair body camera program since 2014? As Portland City Council prepares a Wednesday meeting on choosing a body cam vendor, our Alex Zielinski recaps the long road to get to this point... and how the Portland police union may be blocking the program yet again.

Portland city attorney Robert Taylor has apologized for neglected to alert the Justice Department and public about a violent, right-wing meme that was used in a police training presentation, but was only one of the city officials that were dressed down last night by a rightly furious public during a Portland Committee on Community-Engaged Policing meeting.

• A new bill facing the state legislature will once again give Oregonians the right to choose whether or not they pump their own gas. Each station would offer self-serve pumps alongside those with attendants, and gas prices would remain the same for either.

• Sad food news:

• A gentleman wants his prostate examined... THOROUGHLY. Will this request freak out his doctor? Dan Savage probes the question (with help from a special guest urologist) in this week's SAVAGE LOVE!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• According to the World Health Organization, the pandemic may finally be stabilizing... BUT! The door is still wide open for another COVID variant due to those who won't (or in some countries, can't) be vaccinated.

• As the US and its allies rally support to stand against Russia's planned push into Ukraine, Vladimir Putin is threatening retaliation and scoffing at sanction attempts.

• Across the country, the rush to redraw districting maps—in the Republicans' case, blatant gerrymandering—has resulted in less representation for Blacks and Latinos.

• While a crash in the cryptocurrency market has hurt ordinary investors, there is one very nice bright side to the story: Melania Trump's attempts to sell one of her fancy hats for tens of thousands of dollars in a cryptocurrency auction resulted in only five bidders. Saaaaad troooooomboooooone!

• It’s back for 2022! America’s sexiest, funnest dirty movie fest, HUMP! Coming at ya starting February 24 at Revolution Hall—GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Expect another deliciously sunny day with a high of 48.

• And finally... "Okay, spy... GIVE US YOUR COUNTRY'S NUCLEAR CODES!"