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Proud Boys are just a few of the domestic terrorists plaguing Oregon.
Proud Boys are just a few of the domestic terrorists plaguing Oregon. Nathan Howard / Getty News

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! And a special good afternoon to everyone who attended last night's Dua Lipa show at the Moda Center! (That was me screaming my head off in Section 112.) GODDAMN, that was good! Anyone who wants to join me in starting a church or cult around this superstar, you can reach me via this respected media organization. Now, let's party with some NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Though Portland City Council has attempted in the past to disengage from the city's housing state of emergency by putting more lasting measures in place, apparently there's a problem, because they've just extended it for three more years. How come? Our Alex Zielinski explains it all for you.

• Not-so-fun fact: Oregon has the highest rate of domestic extremism in the country for its size, according to a new report from the Oregon Secretary of State’s Office, which also recommends the state—and particularly the legislature—needs to step up its game before the situation gets exponentially worse.

• Some property owners on the Central Eastside have announced their intention to sue Multnomah County for the unforgivable crime of putting a women's homeless shelter in their area, claiming no one will want to do business with them. Funny, now I REALLY don't want to do business with them.

• "Befouling" headline of the day: "Stuffed animal spill befouls morning commute on I-5 in Portland." ("Befouls?" "Befouls." Wait... "BEFOULS?")

IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• New US intelligence indicates that Putin's military advisers have been lying to their boss about how badly the war has been going for Russia, because he's a toxic male jerk who really gets mad when he doesn't get his way. (That tracks.) Meanwhile, despite promising to scale back attacks on Ukrainian cities during peace talks, the Russian military continues shelling civilians.

• It's looking like Republican Sen. Susan Collins is ready to back the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, which could seal the deal and (RIGHTLY) give her the job.

• The Biden Administration is set to lift pandemic border restrictions (that gave the government the right to quickly expel border crossers without offering protections) which started during the Trump years and continued because of COVID. This is expected to drive cruel Republicans insane, but also give them another opportunity to fundraise from their gullible, racist followers.


• Actor Bruce Willis says he is stepping away from his movie career after being diagnosed with aphasia, which impacts cognitive abilities.

• AHOY THERE, STONERS! The SPLIFF Film Festival—featuring short, hilarious, trippy, and thoughtful mini-movies about cannabis and made by stoners just like YOU—is coming to Revolution Hall for one night only on Saturday, April 16! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW! (And btw, you can still stream the very sexy 2022 edition of HUMP all through the month of April!)

• And finally, thanks to the amazing DUA LIPA for her jaw-dropping show at the Moda Center last night (and also thanks for allowing me to demonstrate my SICK roller skating skills onstage)!

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