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Hypocritical Republicans and religious zealots are already scheming on how to criminalize abortion pills.
Hypocritical Republicans and religious zealots are already scheming on how to criminalize abortion pills. Peter Dazeley / Getty Images

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Now might be a good time to remind you we have A VERY IMPORTANT ELECTION coming up on May 17, in which the city's wealthy and powerful will try to remake the city council in their creepy, over-controlling image (and they're already well on their way). Don't regret your vote: Use the Mercury Election Endorsements... we root out the creeps for ya! (Speaking of revealing creeps... here's today's NEWS!)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• On Thursday, traffic engineers for the Interstate 5 bridge replacement project presented their most recent plan, recommending an eight-lane bridge design (Ooh! That's a LOT.) along with high-capacity light rail to a panel of regional politicians and stakeholders. So what did the panel think? As you might expect, there were MIXED REVIEWS. Our Isabella Garcia breaks it all down for you.

• Close to 1,600 Providence St. Vincent nurses have voted to go on strike over "unfair labor practices"—which includes discrimination against their union, as well as needing better pay and health benefits, and improved staffing levels.

• In Eastern Oregon's Morrow and Umatilla counties, nitrates have been seeping into the groundwater for the last 30 years causing widespread contamination. So why isn't anything being done about it? Thank lax federal oversight on large agricultural operations and industrial food processors.

• Hungry?

• Crank up that brain, it's time for another super-fun POP QUIZ PDX! This week: Adventures with the "nearly nude," abortion-hating Republicans, and duck egg dilemmas! 🦆 (Plus enter to win free pizza! 🍕)

IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• Ukrainians and civilians are desperately trying to hold a Mariupol pulverized steel plant as Russian forces continue to apply military pressure and capture the strategically important port city.

• Democrats, led by Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer wants to force a vote on codifying Roe v Wade next week—even though they likely won't have the votes. "Well, at least we still have abortion pills!" Not so fast: Republican-led states are already working on plans to outlaw those as well.

• "Chief Justice John Roberts calls abortion draft leak ‘absolutely appalling’." (I can think of something more appalling.)

• The FDA is putting heavy restrictions on the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccine, citing the RARE but statistically important appearance of blood clots in some patients.

• Say hello to Karine Jean-Pierre—the new White House Press Secretary, who also just happens to be the first Black woman AND openly gay person to hold down the role!

• And finally... "Oh, I just happened to have a kangaroo outfit lying around."