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SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMMMMMEERRRRRRRRRR!!!
SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMER! SUMMMMMMEERRRRRRRRRR!!! Jordan Siemens / Getty Images

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Let's start with some GOOD news... the Mercury's SANDWICH WEEK starts today! You heard right: Delish, one-of-a-kind creative sandwiches from 30 (!) fantastic sammie makers, and only $8 each! AND DEAR GOD, CHECK OUT THE PICS, they are a thirst trap... for your tummy! Now let's hit some HEADLINES.

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Sketch comedy troupes from all over N. America descend on The Siren Theater for 3 glorious nights.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• After getting the "all clear" from the feds, state health officials have approved pediatric COVID-19 vaccines for children as young as 6 months old in Oregon. If you're looking to protect your tyke, and need advice on where and when to get it, check out this informative piece from our Isabella Garcia.

• Get out yer thongs: Summer officially starts TOMORROW which is not only the longest day of the year, but we can also expect rising summer-like temps through the week, and hitting the 90s this weekend!

• People under the throes of meth have been out of luck since Portland's last sobering center shut down, but good news is on the horizon: While there isn't a date or time for the opening of a new sobering center—which would give first responders a place to bring meth users who are experiencing drug-related psychosis—$2 million has already been put behind getting the project off the ground.

• TONIGHT: Former Portland's Funniest winner Steven Wilber returns home with a new comedy showcase that features a banging lineup of comedians (including Simon Gibson, Katie Nguyen, Jaren George, and probably more) and a heaping helping of... CHAOS.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Get that popcorn poppin': Tomorrow at 9:30 am PST, the next edition of the "January 6 Committee's Public Evisceration of Trump and His Corrupt Republican Co-Conspirators" will air—and their steely glare will focus on how Trump tried to influence key battleground states to overturn the will of the people. Special guests: Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger and Charo! (Probably not Charo.)

• Related: The BIG LIE has thoroughly infected the Texas GOP who has made Trump's lies part of their new platform, as well as calling for SECESSION from the United States. (Unfortunately they actually know they couldn't survive 10 seconds without us, and so are once again full of shit. But we can dream, right?)

• Also very much related (because he is also brimming with shit): Missouri Ex-Gov. Eric Greitens has released a completely stupid, ignorant campaign ad for his Senate run that suggests murdering RINOs (Republicans in name only). Just here to say, "Don't watch it, he's trolling us, and we have better things to do with our time other than spend it fuming over a drooling Republican dipshit who's digging his own political grave." BYE, BOI.

• President Biden says he should have a decision by the end of the week about whether he'll call for a federal "Gas Tax Holiday." The idea is that it would save consumers 18.4 cents per gallon prior to the July 4th holiday, in which hundreds of thousands of Americans will be hopping into their gas-guzzling trucks, motor boats, and jet skis. (Maybe this holiday tax isn't such a great idea?)

• ALERT! ALERT!

• And finally... the truth is out there. And sometimes, in there.

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Adults aged 18-35 with good hearing will be paid for their time. Located at the Portland VA Medical Center