BLOGTOWN

I’m 30, a cis female, romantically attracted to men and sexually attracted to men and women. (Whatever that is? Heteroflexible?) Anyway, I’m engaged to the absolute love of my life, it blows me away everyday how compatible we are, he’s the fucking best person I know.

My question is in regards to this: we are both sexually attracted to women and have been interested in exploring other people together. We’ve had a number of experiences, threesomes/orgies and while on the whole I feel like they were positive experiences, I always walk away with a certain degree of troublesome negative emotions from it. I feel a fair amount of shame/guilt when I participate in what society tells me is slutty/a-typical sexual behavior. I was also shamed as a kid for “playing doctor” with both boys and girls which has contributed to my feeling guilty about experiencing sexual pleasure in general. I’ve also been with plenty of guys that affirmed that my sexual pleasure was not as important as theirs, so it's safe to say I have some emotional baggage when it comes to sex. (Doesn't everyone? Thanks, religion and patriarchy.)

I'm a 25-year-old girl dating a 26-year-old guy. My boyfriend identifies as sexually submissive. He likes to be tied up, put in women's underwear, and locked in a chastity device, and he has a strong urge to please. I hate the term, but I suppose you could call me a "feeder." I am turned on by the idea of someone eating a lot of food, usually junk food, and putting on weight.

It's probably related, but I'm also a bit of a fitness nut. Consequently, I feel somewhat guilty about indulging my fetish, but I figure every now and then shouldn't hurt. Thing is, he's started to eat too much to please me. He's put on weight, and while the libido part of me finds it hot, the logical part of me wants him to be healthy and stop before he gets, like, actually fat.

Thing is, it's hard enough to convince your partner to work out when it will lead to your being more attracted to him. It's nearly impossible to convince your partner to work out when it may lead to your being less attracted to him. So what do I do? I could say he knows the risks, and I'm not forcing him to do anything. But I would still feel bad knowing that he was essentially worse off—less healthy—for having dated me. I don't want to give him a complex.

Fat Admirer Troubled

I am a straight man. From high school through college and after, I loved me some women. Then I met my present girl 10 years ago. I fell head over heels for her. I still love her. But, little by little, she has become boring to me. Our sex life has cooled. Days run together with mundane activities like watching TV, going to the store, and hanging out with our kids.

We own a house, we're financially stable, we look very traditional. But I am far from conservative. I love nightlife, crazy friends, and good drink. She was aware of this when we met because we ran in the same circles. My boredom is compounded by a craving for sex with other women. It doesn't matter who—the girl at the coffee shop, the checker at Whole Foods, every chick at the gym—I'm up to my eyeballs in covet.

I want out. I want to be a father to my kids and take care of my wife financially. But I want out. I am a few years from 40. What is the best course of action?

Too Young To Flail

I'm an out (thanks partly to your encouragement) bi/pan cis male in my late twenties. My partner is a good provider and friend and we cohabitate cohabitate reasonably well. We just reached four years into our relationship. My partner is ACE and she identifies as grey-a homoromantic.

I have a high libido and I'm low-key kinky. I like to be smothered and LOVE 69 as a result. My partner being her kind of ACE doesn't have a sex drive. She says she sometimes enjoys the sex we have while at other times she feels nothing. There's little to no enthusiasm during sex to the point where I get about as much out of it as masturbating, something I do a lot. Not to mention I’m constantly fearing that this way of having sex is fucked up. I have not received oral sex in a few years, nor have I gone down on her in even longer a time, as well my favorite sex act (69) has only happened one or two times in the early days of our relaish. She is too uncomfortable to attempt it anymore.

We have communicated about our needs at length. About a month ago I told her I was considering breaking up with her because things weren't really improving sexually and I was tired of resenting her. I also admitted to contacting my ex for support, something I did about a week before we had this conversation. At this point she suggested we should have sex everyday for a month due to some advice she saw on an ACE forum. The thought being she will get more comfortable with frequent sex and then we can reach a more compromise-y rate after the month is over.

So we enact the plan on the first of what I'm sure will be the best month in recent memory. We have sex about nine times, skipping a few days in between, and then we suddenly stop having sex. There is no acknowledgment from her that the plan failed. So I have to bring it up and my cheerful and gentle reminders about "the plan" are met with silence.

Yesterday I inquired if we can have sex again and she said no. I proceeded to get irritated. Later in afternoon we had sex before work. It was vanilla and it all felt utterly detached. I'm at my wits end here and I really want to have steamy sex again, Dan. I'm tired of vanilla sex and I'm tired of my needs not being taken seriously. I also have to mention that I'm a huge cuddler and I often feel that I don't receive enough physical non-sexual attention which I have brought up numerous times to her with little to no improvement.

To make matters worse we live together and she has a better paying job so therefore pays more of the rent than I do. I live in a rapidly gentrified town that I grew up in and am afraid if I leave her I will struggle to find stability and finish school.

Sexually Tormented Dude

P.S. We've discussed open relationships and she can't do it. I'm not particularly into either, even if I was the only one getting the sexual benefits.

P.P.S. Photo enclosed, since I know you like that.

I could really use your advice with regards to my relationship, since I wanna sit down with my boyfriend and have a final, end-it-or-continue-it talk in the near future, and I am completely lost as to how to address certain issues or even start this talk.

We’ve been in this relationship for two years now. Right from the beginning, the topics of monogamy, infidelity, trust, and jealousy have been a trigger for arguments and stress. I’m the first to admit that I have trust issues and am a jealous person, at least in the beginning of a relationship. My boyfriend though, he’s basically cool with everything, and he was always open about his "everything goes" attitude. After a couple of months, we finally agreed on having threesomes, but only when we’re away together on trips and vacations. We used Grindr and Scruff and looked for guys that interested us both, and most of the time we texted them together. It made me feel included.

I'm a bisexual cis-woman in her thirties and British. Over June and July, I spent three wonderful weeks in Los Angeles, as my bestie lives there. She is also single like me so we had a lot of fun talking to guys on apps and going on dates.

I slept with three men whilst I was there and had a lot of fun, however, I found out something since which has soured my experience. On Friday night I was sent four picture messages from the last guy I hooked up with, which was incidentally was the night before my flight home. The sex we had was romantic, passionate and intense. Him being a fellow artist was a huge turn on and I felt a deep attraction and connection with him. However, I was very aware that it was potentially only one night. When he messaged me, whilst I waited to board my flight, I felt ecstatic as he said how much he'd love to see me again as I will hopefully be returning to LA in a few months.

Then in a subsequent text message I received images from him, photographs, of his marriage in January to a man. The shock was like a punch to the gut. I was working at the time and could barely catch my breath. Thankfully I work from home so I was able to call my friend in LA and have a cry. He immediately tried calling me twice, I tried calling him back but no answer. I texted back "WTF" and explained to him that it wasn't the bisexuality which I found so shocking, but the fact that he's married.

I feel crushed. The first man I slept with in LA is openly queer, I like it, it turns me on, however, this is different and I don't know why. I'm working hard on resolving my issues with what happened. His reply did not help. He explained that he meant to send those pictures to someone else, that he is married, that his husband knows we slept together and that it's a long story. I asked for a summary and he said he didn't have time. That was the last I heard from him. Even my attempt at a "fun" reply about how I don't care as long as he fucks me again wasn't read.

My question: Do I have a right to be so upset? My emotions range from feeling betrayed, tricked, and angry. It has tainted the time we spent together, which honestly was the best sex I've ever had. I can't say for certain if I had known beforehand whether or not I would've slept with him, as the idea of a sleeping with a married man does not appeal to me at all.

I must disclose that I was sexually abused as a child and sexually assaulted as a teenager, so I wonder if I'm projecting or if he really did do something wrong. I know for certain that he is sleeping with other women that he meets on apps, and I'm positive that he will not be sharing his marital status with them either.

Back In Britain

I am a 28-year-old pansexual polyamorous woman. I am in the process of breaking things off with a lovely guy, "Norman," who I've been seeing, first in the same state, and then long distance, for about six months. I was madly in love with him, but now I'm not. Is this normal? He is still madly in love with me, and is very confused by my change of heart. I want him to know the fact that I'm no longer in love with him does not invalidate the time we spent together: it was incredible, and 100% genuine. My feelings have just shifted. Does this phenomenon have any sort of explanation? My rapid change from "I'm madly in love with you," to "I don't really care if we ever see each other again," has honestly made me feel a little sociopathic, and has me questioning my sanity.

This happened to me once before, and I was equally confused: I met a guy at a festival over the summer, and we instantly connected and said we loved each other. We lived in separate states, but we exchanged passionate emails until I went to visit him a few months later, and we had a blissful long weekend and I overcame my fear/inability to orgasm with another person. Then, he just went MIA. I'm still in contact with his wife, but he dropped off the planet, with no closure. I assume his feelings about me must have shifted, just like I'm currently on the other side of.

For my current breakup, it may also be relevant that I'm also in the process of getting a divorce, ending an eight-year relationship. So, I'm aware that my passionate union with Norman is a rebound relationship, and I've heard that these are often passionate and then fizzle out. Also, part of the thing that made my feelings shift towards Norman was his decision to move to the state I'm currently living in; this made the relationship seem all too real for me, and like much more of a commitment than I'm ready for. I've explained this, and he understands, even though he insists that him moving to the same state doesn't necessitate a commitment, and that he won't expect to see me all the time, etc. Still, I feel like someone moving cross-country for me does imply a commitment, and I've now fallen out of love with him.

I know, I've got a lot going on. Thanks for any help.

Not Feeling It

I don't know who else to turn to right now. A little backstory before my "problem."

In April, we lost my younger brother and my parents' house in a fire. In June, my mom died from a massive heart attack. I've been trying to help my stepdad get everything put back together since then. My step-dad helped raise me since I was eight; of all the kids in the family, everyone says I'm the most responsible and level-headed. (Yay me!) It's not unusual for my stepdad to call when he needs something. The call I just received from him has me... well... I don't even know.

After getting the small talk out of the way, he asked me if he remembered hearing that my ex-husband and I were into BDSM. I told him that we met at the local goth dance/bondage club. He responded with "oh" and then nervously hemmed and hawed for a couple minutes. He finally says he wants to ask me something and no matter my answer, it won't change anything about our relationship, etc. Then he asks me to come over and "spank his ass."

Dan, I'm pretty open and sex-positive, but this hit me as fucked up on SO many levels! As soon as my brain re-engaged, I firmly said no. I know we're both embarrassed, and I honestly don't know if I should address this with him, or sweep it under the rug. He's 74, just lost his home, a son and his wife, and if this is part of his recovery through all of the grief, I get it. I'm just really squicked out that he asked me, his daughter (the "step" in our family has always been just a technicality). How do I look him in the eye after this? I'm also wondering if it would be weird for me to help him find a domme, so he can get his needs met.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Not Into Daddy/Daughter Play