Veg Week: Half-Price Vegan Entrées at Noraneko, Next Level Burger, Le Bistro Montage, Ichiza Kitchen, Xico, Dinger's Deli, Sasquatch Brewing, and More!

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As you doubtless know, dear Portlander, our fair city is one of the best cities to live in (and eat in!) for those who enjoy the ethical, physical, and environmental benefits of a healthy diet—and, for one week, it's about to get even better.
Welcome to the Portland Mercury’s Veg Week—a week designed not only for vegans and vegetarians but for all Portlanders who want to enjoy some of the best, most inventive dishes Portland restaurants have to offer! Not only are all Veg Week dishes 100 percent vegan, but they’re also—from October 15-20 only—available for HALF-PRICE!
Check out all of the half-priced vegan entrees here!

Below are a few featured places you'll be able to get the deal. Click the name of the dish for all the details. And say you're attending the Facebook event page for live updates during the #PDXVegWeek! Stay tuned

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Noraneko's Vegetable Ramen


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Things to Do Saturday!

Old Time Relijun, Oh Rose
In Olympia in the early 2000s, Old Time Relijun shows were mystical freak-outs that invited all present to lose their dancefloor inhibitions. Part Captain Beefheart, part Screaming Jay Hawkins, and part no-wave party band, they tapped into rock ’n’ roll's transcendent possibilities in ways previously deemed lost and forgotten. When they were onstage, it was easy to believe they were creating something that had never existed before—a style of music the rest of us had only heard in our dreams. After a decade-long hiatus, Old Time Relijun is back for a short West Coast tour that kicks off in Portland to celebrate the band’s 23rd anniversary. (9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $16-18) JOSHUA JAMES AMBERSON


Cameron Esposito, Caitlin Weierhauser
This year Cameron Esposito accomplished her goal to displace aggro male comedians as the top browser result for the phrase “rape jokes” with her powerful special Rape Jokes, which has so far raised over $72,000 for RAINN. Never one to slow her roll, Esposito is already back on stage, touring a new live show. Person of Consequence touches on recent changes she’s weathered with the heartfelt humor we’ve come to expect from this brilliant comedian. (8 pm, Revolution Hall, $25, all ages) SUZETTE SMITH

The 12th Annual Oregon Music Hall of Fame Induction & Concert: The Kingsmen, Ural Thomas & the Pain, Monti Amundson
Oregon's music all-stars get some shine on under the Aladdin's lamp, with local legends The Kingsmen, Ural Thomas & the Pain, and Monti Amundson performing live. This Years Inductees include Monti Amundson, Dan Eccles, Freak Mountain Ramblers, The Rats, Ural Thomas, Dover Weinberg, Dennis Carter, Ed Doughterty, KISN Good Guys, and Michael & Peter Mott. (7 pm, Aladdin Theater, $30-110)

Boo Bomb V
If you love your throwbacks, the annual JAM’N 107.5’s Boo Bomb is the stuff of old school dreams, with a lineup that includes Ashanti and Ja Rule, Petey Pablo, the Luniz, and more! And rest assured they will all be trotting out the hits in front of an enthusiastic crowd that wants nothing more out of life than to party. Join them, won’t you? (7:30 pm, Moda Center, $25-85) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Slang, Hutch Harris, WL
The newly-minted garage rock supergroup headed up by Quasi/Sleater Kinney drummer Janet Weiss, former Thermals bassist Kathy Foster, Viva Voce guitarist Anita Lee Elliott, and Modern Kin vocalist Drew Grow make their way to St. Johns for a hometown show at the Fixin' To. Fellow former Thermal Hutch Harris rounds out the proceedings with a rare solo set. (9 pm, The Fixin' To, $8-10)

Mommie Dearest
You're supposed to take Mommie Dearest seriously. You cannot possibly take it seriously, though. There is nothing about it that works on any intended level. But that is fine. That is how camp is made. Not the sort of camp where people are going over the top knowingly, winkingly—letting you know it's okay, we're all in on the joke, it's fine here. Not that chickenshit half-assed camp they got 'round Rocky Horror way. This is Faye Dunaway serving up weapons-grade camp in a form so undiluted Walter White would marvel at the purity of its chemical composition. And that's the whole point of seeing Mommie Dearest—because you're a cringe-addict, a purveyor of superlative pettiness, and when you jones for unapologetic, manipulative, emotionally ugly trash, Mommie Dearest will always deliver. (7 pm & 9:30 pm, Fifth Avenue Cinema, $4-5) BOBBY ROBERTS

Emma Willmann
The Winningstad Theatre serves up a night of stand-up with the Bridgetown Comedy Festival favorite and star of a recent Netflix quarter hour special. (7 pm, Winningstad Theatre, $25)

Party at the Square
A party for Portland, by Portland, for the benefit of Portland's many local businesses and charities, with live music, games, local food, and good beer. (10 am, Pioneer Courthouse Square, free)

Jump Jack Sound Machine: Apocalypse Edition
Holocene gets the Halloween festivities started early with an Apocalypse-themed installment of the popular recurring dance night. Shake your hips to the best in deep house, disco break, RNB, and boogie courtesy of DJ sets from Sappho, Chanti Darling, Soph, Phallus Johnson, Kyle Ford, and Ms Coco B, along with a special performance from Snakeoil, and visuals by Rak Salt. Hosted by Shitney. (10 pm, Holocene, $8-10)

Ott
An evening of electronica, dub, and trip-hop with the acclaimed London-based producer and musician who has worked with the likes of Sinéad O'Connor, Embrace, The Orb, and Brian Eno, while also maintaining a steady solo output of his own. (9 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $18-22)

Kyle, Tobi Lou
The quick-rising rapper/singer out of Los Angeles brings his infectious blend of hip-hop back up the coast in support of his debut full-length, Light of Mine. (9 pm, Roseland, $27-30, all ages)

Mos Generator, Holy Grove, Pushy, Hippie Death Cult
Holy Grove takes all the evil things from classic metal, doom, and blues and transforms them into a hulking beast—and that's just the rhythm section. Vocalist Andrea Vidal sings with power and precision, and guitarist Trent Jacobs unleashes riffs that are sludgy yet dexterous. (8:30 pm, High Water Mark, $7-10) MARK LORE

Saroon, Sheers, Kelli Schaefer
Saroon's music unfolds unhurriedly, using arpeggiated chords, dreamy studio effects, soft horn parts, honeyed backing vocals, and elongated melodies to build a comforting sound world. Imagine the Long Winters’ John Roderick fronting a drowsy baroque-pop band, and you’re in the right ballpark. (8 pm, Turn! Turn! Turn!, $7) BEN SALMON

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!


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Take the Mercury's 2018 SEX SURVEY!

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CALLING ALL SEXY PEOPLE! The Mercury is proud (and sort of aroused) to present our 2018 online Sex Survey—in which we ask you (the average sex-having Portlander) how you have sex, when you have sex, and what flavor of sex you have! BUT DON'T WORRY, THE RESULTS AND YOUR SUBMISSIONS ARE COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS. So feel free to be completely honest about such questions as...

• Have you ever gotten off with someone while video chatting?
• Around how many hours of porn do you watch per week?
• What kinks/fetishes are you into?
• Have you ever had sex with a coworker?
• Before you die, what's the one thing you want to accomplish sexually?

AND LOTS MORE! The survey only takes about 10 minutes to complete, but will give you a lot to think about later (if you know what I mean, and I suspect you might).

PLUS! The survey also gives you the opportunity to enter to win 4 tickets to the Mercury's HUMP! Film Festival and a $69 gift card at Revolution Hall! WHAT? YES!

So what are you waiting for? Fill out the Mercury 2018 Sex Survey right now, and be on the lookout for our Fall SEX Issue, where we'll reveal all the results. REMEMBER: IT'S ALL (well, mostly) FOR SCIENCE.


Q&A with Kyle, the Rapper Bringing Nice Guys Back in Style

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Kyle: Light of Mine

Formerly known as K.i.D., Ventura rapper/singer/actor Kyle Harvey has been grinding out music since youth. Today, he’s a force to be reckoned with. In many ways Kyle is the anti-rapper; there’s no aggression, no macho exterior, no forced cool-guy persona that Kyle must turn on. Instead, Kyle embraces the “lame” voice and vocabulary he got from being raised by a white mom, and embodies the exact opposite of how most rappers want to be perceived. His rap name is simply his first name; Kyle endearingly raps as himself. In doing so, he’s pushing the boundaries of rap while simultaneously bringing nice guys back in style.

While I loved previous mixtapes like 2015’s Smyle, Kyle’s feature-packed studio debut Light of Mine sees him dig even deeper—exploring his mental health, re-living losing his virginity, examining the quality of his relationships, and rediscovering self love. I talked to Kyle ahead of his “Lightspeed World Tour” stop in Portland (Saturday, October 13). Peep our entire convo after the jump!

MERCURY: Hey Kyle!
KYLE: How are you? Yo, for a second I thought your name was Demi Moore and I was like "Seriously? Demi Moore, that’s ca-razy."

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Lawsuits, Mass Walk-Outs, and All the Veggies You Can Eat: Your Weekly Food and Drink Wrap

Hey Love
Hey Love Mercury Staff

Hey everyone, it’s the news!

This week, the Mercury reported that 70s-inspired fern bar Hey Love finally opened. We visited the new/old Smallwares up on N Williams and came away mostly—but not entirely—satisfied. And we made a nostalgic bar crawl of the Lloyd District, where “the past is present.” Oh, and don’t forget, the Merc’s Veg Week starts on Monday, so get out there and enjoy some inexpensive vegan food!

The Oregonian reported that Park Kitchen, the last no-tip Portland restaurant standing, might have to pay $580,000 to 41 employees for past tip pooling policies (that’s the thing that happens when servers are asked, or sometimes forced, to share tips with support staff and kitchen crew) after a jury in county court voted in favor of the restaurant’s employees. The O also reported on another scandal: Colin Yoshimoto, the chef who put the fast-casual joint Poke Mon on the local dining map was fired from his job, resulting in the entire support staff walking off the job en masse, causing the restaurant to close for at least two days. Lastly, the paper reported that Dub’s is closing down it operations in its N Lombard digs.

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Panic! Portland Overrun by "Mob Rule" (According to WSJ Opinion Writer)

Mob Rule?
Mob Rule? Alex Zielinski

In today's Wall Street Journal, Portlander Andy Ngo (the WSJ's go-to author for right-leaning reports on Portland anarchy) wrote an opinion piece subtly titled "A Leftist Mob ‘Polices’ Portland." His op-ed centers on last Saturday's protest of the Portland Police shooting of Patrick Kimmons, and the subsequent march in which a driver plowed into a protester instead of... you know... just stopping. Ngo's description of the incident isn't exactly an accurate depiction of what happened:

As the crowd made their way to a nearby courthouse, they marched in the middle of the street, bringing traffic to a stop though they didn’t have a permit. Kent Houser, 74, made the mistake of attempting to pass them in his sedan. His car slowly pushed against a masked marcher. The crowd surrounded the car and started kicking it.

Here's video of how Houser's Lexus "slowly pushed against a masked marcher."

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Benefit Concert for Mike Elias of Denver and Ship John

Mike Elias and family.
Mike Elias and family. Facebook

On Sunday, October 21, Mississippi Studios is hosting a benefit concert to raise medical funds for Mike Elias, a Portland musician who plays in the band Denver and leather maker and manufacturer who owns the Ship John shop at 1804 NE MLK. Performers will include Justin Townes Earle, Tom Bevitori, and others.

Last Saturday, October 6, Elias was attacked on the street after an evening event at his Ship John store. The attackers hit Elias with a hatchet and fractured his skull. They got away, but without any of the money they were attempting to steal. Elias, meanwhile, spent the night at Legacy Emanuel and has been convalescing quietly, posting a few grateful updates on Ship John's Instagram page.

A night in the ICU with a broken skull, however, is not cheap. Elias' medical expenses are going to be substantial, and his recovery is going to be long, so the community around him has come together to help defray the costs of both the medical procedure and a necessary period of rest for him to heal. Tickets for the Mississippi Studios benefit show are available here, and you can also contribute to Elias' recovery at GoFundMe.


Veg Week: Half-Price Vegan Entrées at La Panza, Grand Army Tavern, Water Avenue Coffee, DC Vegetarian, Revelry, and More

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As you doubtless know, dear Portlander, our fair city is one of the best cities to live in (and eat in!) for those who enjoy the ethical, physical, and environmental benefits of a healthy diet—and, for one week, it's about to get even better.
Welcome to the Portland Mercury’s Veg Week—a week designed not only for vegans and vegetarians but for all Portlanders who want to enjoy some of the best, most inventive dishes Portland restaurants have to offer! Not only are all Veg Week dishes 100 percent vegan, but they’re also—from October 15-20 only—available for HALF-PRICE!
Check out all of the half-priced vegan entrees here!

Below are a few featured places you'll be able to get the deal. Click the name of the dish for all the details. And say you're attending the Facebook event page for live updates during the #PDXVegWeek! Stay tuned

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La Panza's Calabacita Enchilada


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Hale County This Morning, This Evening Review: Exceptional Images and Captivating Stories

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“We need more black folks taking pictures and videos of the area,” Hale County This Morning, This Evening director RaMell Ross explains to a neighbor as he films plumes of bonfire smoke filtering afternoon sunlight. Ross taught photography and coached basketball in Hale County, Alabama starting in 2009, and the product of his time there, Hale County This Morning, This Evening presents vignettes that are difficult to look away from. Some of these images should be commonplace, but all of them are exceptional—whether it’s seeds floating on the wind or teenage youths chilling on horseback—as the storylines of several subjects (like Boosie, who is pregnant with twins and, at least initially, “careth not about the film”) slowly unfold.


Read more of the Mercury's award-winning* movies and TV coverage! For movie times, click here.

*Not actually award-winning


I Guess This Is Growing Up: Lee Corey Oswald Returns from the Brink with Darkness, Together

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Dan Stanton

About four years passed between the release of Portland pop-punk band Lee Corey Oswald’s 2014 debut Regards and its follow-up, Darkness, Together, out this week on A-F Records.

For Dan Silver (guitar/vocals), Lee Ellis (guitar/vocals), and Corey Ciresi (drums/vocals), however, that four-year span came during a time of their lives that tends to lend perspective to things like playing in a pop-punk band.

“With [Regards], we wrote it in our mid-20s,” says Ellis, a cook at a bar/restaurant in Northeast Portland by day. “And now we’re in our early 30s...”

His voice trails off as Silver chimes in: “Every time you come back from tour, all your friends are maybe working toward something different,” says Silver, who waits tables when he’s not playing music. “I felt like our friends were all settling in, getting houses, that kind of stuff. I mean, I still live with Lee and I love it, but your friends definitely start looking at you like, ‘Are y’all still really trying this?’”

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The Old Man and the Gun Review: Watching Robert Redford Rob Banks Is a Goddamn Delight

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Based on a true story, the latest from David Lowery (Aint Them Bodies Saints, A Ghost Story, and 2016’s under-appreciated Pete’s Dragon) reteams the filmmaker with Robert Redford, who plays Forrest Tucker, the charming, handsome leader of a trio of geriatric bank robbers. Forrest’s partners in crime are Teddy (Danny Glover) and Waller (a fantastic Tom Waits); meanwhile, middle-aged cop John Hunt (Casey Affleck) tries to chase Forrest down as Jewel (Sissy Spacek) tries to figure out why her charming, handsome new boyfriend won’t tell her what he does for a living. Like one of Forrest’s disarmingly polite robberies, The Old Man and the Gun starts out pleasant and sweet before revealing hints of darkness—each of these characters is deeper than they first appear, and one’s never quite sure what any of them are going to do next. Lowery is happy to tag along, capturing lives that are polished by time and dented by experience, but remain bright and sharp with wit and passion. Watching Redford have this much fun is, as always, a goddamn delight.


Read more of the Mercury's award-winning* movies and TV coverage! For movie times, click here.

*Not actually award-winning


Good Morning, News: Hurricane Michael, Garden Gnomes, and Beto Gonna Get Ya

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Getty / Joe Raedle / Staff

HURRICANE MICHAEL—The death toll rose to 11 today in the wake of the Category 4 hurricane that smashed its way across the Florida panhandle, writes the New York Times. The stories and photographs from the region are devastating.

"THE STORY MISSING FROM THE REPORTS"—30-year-old Samuel E. Rice, who was fatally shot by Portland police earlier this week, had a history of mental illness, reports the Mercury's Alex Zielinski. "That's the story missing from the reports so far," says Ken Hansen, who says he worked to get Rice long-term help. "It's easier for the community to handle a bad-guy versus good-guy story."

MIDTERMS OF DOOM—Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell, who recently helped ram through a conspiracy theorist Supreme Court justice who has been accused of multiple counts of sexual assault, is sounding reeeeal smug as he brags about how Kavanaugh came along at just at the right time. "What we are now seeing is that the enthusiasm and energy on the Republican side comes close to matching the Democratic side," McConnell tells NPR, "and given the states that we're competing in, that's really good news for us."

GNOME THIEVES MUST PAY—A Georgia man who was arrested in July for stealing "hundreds of items... ranging from birdbaths and hanging plants to a wide variety of garden gnomes" was re-arrested yesterday "after he failed to appear in court... on his 67 charges of receiving stolen property," reports Louisville's Courier Journal. After the police received a hot tip that he was hiding in an attic, the Courier Journal adds, the gnome thief "suffered injuries after he fell out of the attic."

WHITE HOUSE ROMANCE—A day after claiming to be "the most bullied person in the world," Melania Trump says she has "much more important things to think about and to do" than concern herself with her husband's alleged affairs with women including Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal. When asked if she loved her husband, she replied with the 100 percent convincing "Yes, we are fine."

JAMAL KHASHOGGI—"Turkish authorities have audio and visual evidence that shows journalist Jamal Khashoggi was killed inside the Saudi consulate in Istanbul just over a week ago," says CNN, citing a source "familiar with the ongoing investigation."

BETO—"After learning about Sebastian Esquivel, a Latino man who felt the Texas race 'doesn’t really matter,' O’Rourke cold-called Esquivel to help him register to vote," writes the Guardian. After calling Esquivel, "O’Rourke used his network of fired-up young volunteers to send a field worker to Gonzales, some 70 miles away, to persuade Esquivel to register. The cook duly did so, and the O’Rourke volunteer then drove him to the post box to mail it." BETO O'ROURKE: HE WILL FUCKING MAKE YOU VOTE. HE WILL FUCKING FIND YOU.


Things to Do Friday!

My Bloody Valentine
Led by guitarist Kevin Shields, in the 1980s and ’90s, My Bloody Valentine helped lay the groundwork for the shoegaze genre, fishing for melodies from deep ponds of dissonant white noise. The Irish rock band dissolved in 1997, reunited in 2007, and released their long-awaited third studio album MBV (a follow-up to 1991’s beloved Loveless) in 2013. With talk of an EP and fourth LP in the works, My Bloody Valentine has debuted a couple of new songs at recent shows. Their current tour is their first in five years, and that hiatus from the stage is likely what caused Portland fans to buy up all the tickets to this Roseland show—you never know how long MBV will keep you waiting. (9 pm, Roseland, Good luck on the ticket resale sites) CIARA DOLAN


Smokey and the Bandit
What better way to pay tribute to the cinematic legacy of Burt Reynolds than with his biggest hit. Smokey and the Bandit, a 1977 romantic comedy (seriously!) about a beer bootlegger escaping the chubby grasp of a redneck sheriff was the second biggest film of the year, and would have easily been number one if not for that one space movie about the farm kid and the glow sticks and the robot butler and his friend the bleeping trash basket. But that movie had the benefit of never-before-seen visual effects, an all-timer of a symphonic score by John Williams, and the power of pure myth fueling it. Smokey and the Bandit had... uh, it had "Eastbound and Down" as the score to a series of ridiculous car chases—fueled not by myth, but by Coors—and the irresistable, smirking, fourth-wall-breaking charm of Burt Reynolds at full, blinding wattage. Every likeable wiseass of the '80s, '90s, and '00s, from John McClane all the way to Tony Stark, owes part of their existence to Burt's portrayal of the Bandit, shiftin' and grinnin' out from behind the wheel of that legendary Trans Am. (7 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9) BOBBY ROBERTS

Derek Sheen, Marcus Coleman, Kayla Ruth
Comedian Derek Sheen knows how to put a funny new spin on Portland's eccentricities. He's self-deprecating, charming, and a hot mess of whimsy and nerdiness, who cracks himself up nearly as much as everyone else. He's pretty much the spiritual little brother to Patton Oswalt. (8 pm, The Secret Society, $10) COURTNEY FERGUSON

Snap Judgement
Glynn Washington's weekly NPR-syndicated radio podcast returns to Revolution Hall, promising raw and intimate tales from the world's finest story tellers, with backing music from the Snap Judgement band. (7 pm, Revolution Hall, $35-45, all ages)

Shame, Goon
About nine months ago, London post-punk quintet Shame whipped into town and whipped the crowd at the Doug Fir into a legitimate frenzy. The group was visiting Portland for the first time, having just released their debut LP, Songs of Praise—a blisteringly hot collection of post-punk anthems that sneer at modern England and the sorry lot that call the island home. Live, the songs went from open hand slaps to closed fist kidney jabs, made all the more powerful by frontman Charlie Steen’s sweaty, agitated bark. Fuck MBV; don’t miss this show. (9 pm, Doug Fir, $13-15) ROBERT HAM

Courtney Barnett, Waxahatchee
Beloved for her deadpan delivery of lyrics like “The paramedic thinks I’m clever ’cause I play guitar/I think she’s clever ’cause she stops people dying,” Australian singer/songwriter Courtney Barnett returns to Portland to play songs off her new album Tell Me How You Really Feel, an unfussy indie rock masterwork in which she spends 10 songs trying to answer that question for herself. (8:30 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $35-40, all ages) CIARA DOLAN

Caitlin Doughty
The mortician and author the the memoir Smoke Gets In Your Eyes returns with From Here to Eternity, chronicling her globetrotting expedition to discover how cultures around the world care for their dead. (7:30 pm, Powell's City of Books, free)

Korgy & Bass, Amenta, Schaus
The local duo bring their instrumental hip-hop sounds to the Jack London Revue for a hometown headlining show, with likeminded locals Amenta and Schaus on hand to round out the proceedings. (9 pm, Jack London Revue, $10)

Meg Myers, Adam Jones
Los Angeles-via-Nashville singer/songwriter Meg Myers brings her pop-tinged indie rock up the coast for a headlining show supporting her latest full-length, Take Me to the Disco. (9 pm, Dante's, $20-23)

Mystic Braves, The Creation Factory, The Upsidedown
A pair of LA-based psych rock outfits bring their far-out sounds up the coast for a Portland show featuring support from like-minded locals the Upsidedown. (9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $12-15)

Super!Drag
The wonderful Poison Waters emcees this all-star showcase of local drag talent, with proceeds benefitting Bradley Angle's LGBTQ program, in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. (6 pm, Darcelle XV Showplace, $20)

TransGenre
Classical Revolution PDX returns to Holocene with singer/songwriters Nick Jaina and Anna Tivel combining their talents with composers Adam Eason and Christ Fotinakis. (7 pm, Holocene, $10-15)

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!


Man Fatally Shot By Portland Police Had Long History of Mental Illness

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JAROMIR CHALABALA / EYEEM / GETTY IMAGES

The Portland Police Bureau (PPB) has identified 30-year-old Samuel E. Rice as the man who was fatally shot by an officer on Wednesday morning.

Rice was shot in the head by PPB Officer Kelly VanBlokland during a perceived hostage scenario at the Del Rancho Motel on SE 82nd. Officers said Rice had attempted to stab a woman and was holding her hostage in a hotel room. It's still unknown if the officers entered the room or if Rice opened the door, but "at some point during the incident, an officer fired a shot, striking and killing the suspect," according to PPB spokesperson Chris Burley.

Ken Hansen says he was not surprised to hear of his former client's death.

Hansen is the state director of a program that contracts with local governments to provide support for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. He asked the Mercury to not mention the name of the program and noted he was speaking solely on his own behalf. Hansen says he and his colleagues worked closely with Rice for a five-month period earlier this year, and that Rice suffered from a developmental disability and mental illness. Hansen says he's certain that at the time of his death Rice was in the midst of a mental health crisis.

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Reader Thoughts on Sugar Babies, Maple Syrup, Period Blood, and a Great New TV Show

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Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: Her newish boyfriend won't have sex with her during her period, a friend with a lot of drama, a bisexual woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and a man who loves the scent of a woman doused in sap. And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

On that maple syrup fetish:

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