Do not read this edition of the Portland Mercury tabloid from beginning to end! These pages contain many different adventures—some of which include aliens, dinosaurs, time travel, killing a saber-toothed tiger, and visiting the Portland Expo Center Gun Show.

From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to success... OR DISASTER. You are responsible for your actions because YOU CHOOSE THE PATHS YOU TAKE. After you make your decision, follow the instructions to find out what happens to you next.

Remember—think carefully before you make a move! One irresponsible choice might be the end of all civilized life... or it may lead to fame and fortune! Or it may kill everyone you know, but still lead to fame and fortune. Or you may just get the fame... but no fortune. Or you might consider this entire issue a waste of your valuable time and throw it down in disgust... a stupid choice that could KILL YOU!

So let's start our adventure NOW. Based on your personality, would you rather attend the Portland Gun Show, or the Portland Cat Show? If you chose the Gun Show, CLICK HERE AND BEGIN READING NOW. If you chose the Cat Show, CLICK HERE AND BEGIN READING NOW.

GOOD LUCK! (Oh boy, are you gonna need it!)