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Bad news, Portland: The Seattle Times reported on the presence of cat ladies in American cities (defined as single women who live alone with at least one cat), and though Portland obviously leads the nation, with 9.9 percent of single women living with cats, our northern rival, Seattle, is CLOSE BEHIND at 9.3 percent. Obviously, this is unacceptable. As you can see, Times piece treats this like it isn't something to compete over:

According to new market data from Nielsen Scarborough, nearly one in 10 single women in the Greater Seattle area lives alone with at least one cat — if that really counts as living alone. In the city itself, the numbers are even higher: one in eight.

That ranks Seattle second among the 50 largest U.S. market areas. We were just barely edged out of the top spot by — where else? — Portland.

But while they're complacent about Portland's top spot among cat lady cities, we can't be.

I know what you're thinking: Come on, Megan, aren't you a reclusive spinster who is NEARLY THIRTY? Why don't you do your part to boost the cat lady population? Which, fair point. But here's my secret shame: Though admittedly I have a fuck-ton of bookstore tote bags and wear glasses half-time and my apartment can easily turn into a library if I'm not careful, I'm also straight-up allergic to cats. Oops! This is my sad truth. I once even lived in a house with four cats and tried to overcome my allergies through sheer force of will. The results were... mixed.

So what I'm saying, Portland, is this: YOUR MOVE. Why not go to Purringtons Cat Lounge and take home a new best pal? Except for the terrifying prospect that Seattle might end up with more cat ladies than us, what do you have to lose?