Cats are fine. I feel fine about cats. I know other people feel very strongly about cats, and base their lives around cats, and that's fine too. Good for them! Everyone needs a hobby. Would I ever get a cat? Probably not. As far as I can tell, electric blankets offer identical benefits as cats, yet they don't shit in your home, callously exploit you as a mere "provider of resources," or eat your eyeballs when you die. So yeah. Probably not. I'm sure your cat is really cute though!
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT CATS I FUCKING LOVE?????????
THE AMAZING ACRO-CATS! AND ALSO THE ROCK CATS!
That's a cat! PLAYING THE DRUMS! And another cat! PLAYING THE GUITAR! Those cats are DOING SOMETHING WITH THEIR LIVES!
Look: I saw the Amazing Acro-Cats and the Rock Cats—"a show that doesn’t fit into any other cat-egory... Chicago’s only trained domestic cat show!"—when they came through Portland a few years ago (here at the Mercury, we interviewed Acro-Cats ringleader Samantha Martin), and it was—I am not exaggerating—fucking awesome.
And that's coming from a guy who feels fine about cats. Imagine how someone who felt more than fine about cats would feel. THEY'D PROBABLY EXPLODE WITH JOY.
Because here's what so great about the Acro-Cats: They do stuff! Stuff that even you can't do! They ride skateboards! They balance along a high wire! They ring bells and turn on lights! They partake in astonishing tests of agility. And when the Rock Cats take over, they play music! The Acro-Cats and the Rock-Cats even ride around in a special cat bus, which is usually parked right outside the venue!
And I don't want to give too much away, but I will say that this line on the Acro-Cats' website...
This amazing spectacle also includes performing mice, rats, and even a cat vs. chicken bowling showdown!
... cannot prepare you for what is to come.
What's more, Martin's entire Acro-Cats show has a focus on rescue, rehabilitation, and adoption assistance—meaning that the skeevy, exploit-y feeling one usually gets from zoos and trained animal shows is 100 percent gone. Martin legitimately loves these cats, and through traveling and performing with them, spreads a message so great that it even convinced my grumpy ass that some cats are better than fine. (Specifically, the Acro-Cats and the Rock Cats.)
Martin's bringing the Acro-Cats to Portland on June 25 and June 26.
Because the Mercury loves you (and the Acro-Cats), we're giving away two pairs of tickets to the show.
You can enter to win tickets right here.
Go see the Acro-Cats even if you don't win. Your life will be better for it.
Play us out, Rock Cats (feat. chickens and whatever that other thing is).