In the homoerotic drama Top Gun, pilot Tom Cruise (Codename: Maverick) and buddy Anthony Edwards (Codename: Goose) express their love for extreme aerial antics by slapping each other's asses, and proclaiming, "I feel the NEED! The need for SPEED!" However, it's highly doubtful these daredevils would be so gung-ho if they were flying an aircraft built themselves with plywood and old motorcycle parts.

I offer up this analogy to show that the boys and girls of the PDX Adult Soapbox Derby are TRUE daredevils of the highest order. This annual event attracts only the bravest of the brave (and drunkest of the drunk) to compete in a mile-long, balls-out run down Mt. Tabor--and even more horrifying? They've built these wheeled coffins THEMSELVES. Sure, they may only get up to 40 mph, but this is not Detroit engineering; these whacked-out vehicles are constructed with wood, wire, rusty sheetmetal, and tires stolen from shopping carts, wheelbarrows, kids bikes, and wheelchairs.

The race itself starts at the tippy-top of Mt. Tabor. After a stiff push from a teammate, the car barrels down the hill through an S-curve, a straightaway, and a deadly hairpin turn before crossing the finishline at the reservoir. And while this is certainly a challenging track, the drivers are not only challenged by the cars racing beside them, but oftentimes, squirrelly steering, sabotage, a belly full of PBR, and... their own fear.

This year should be especially interesting since most of the entrants are dyed in the wool gear-heads; not only do their cars look great, they're the fastest the derby has seen to date. Expect great times from "President Al Gore" and "Designated Driver" (both featuring classic soapbox designs), and terrific entertainment value from "Snowball in Hell" (which, yes, looks like a snowball), "Freddy Mercury" (that would be OUR car), and "Log"--which is... well, a guy riding a log.

Will there be fun? Yes! Will there be wrecks? Mmmm... probably. Roughly 36 cars have entered this event, which is a crowd-pleaser year after year, so don't miss it! The PDX Adult Soapbox Derby represents everything great about this town: Creativity, spunk, and as mentioned earlier, a belly full of PBR.--WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY