Sunday, September 1 Washington County Fair Complex 873 NE 34th, Hillsboro, OR 11 am - 6 pm, $15

Now, I'm the last person to deny an old person a little bit of fun. As long as they keep their kind of fun way over there... me and the old folk will get along just fine. Example: Couple of months ago, I was tricked by a press release into attending a "custom car and rod" show at the Expo Center, which I expected to be filled with Big Daddy Roth-style hotrods, garage rock music, and the occasional scantily clad babe draped across the hood. What I got was a goddamn retirement home of old fogies spit polishing their '57 Chevys, the soundtrack from Happy Days, and an over-the-hill nurse refilling Grampy's oxygen tank.

But like I said, if this is something that makes these people happy, then by all means they should continue--but if I want to see some old rickety guy trying to relive his wasted youth, I'll watch Matlock! That's why, when I received a press release for the "2002 The Ridin' Never Ends Custom Car Show," I was naturally dubious. However, after some diligent research, I discovered this is my kinda event!

Not only will there be an assload of classic, hotrod and muscle cars, but you'll also see the latest in customized imports (à la The Fast and the Furious), tricked-out trucks, and best of all, LOWRIDERS. Forget all those punkass bitches in New York galleries; for my money, Lowrider art is the real deal. Originating in the barrios of East L.A., Mexican-Americans turned their cars into an art form, dropping the bodies, supplying snappy paint jobs and interiors, and adding hydraulics to the front and rear to make that mutha hop.

And if you've never seen the hop in action, this show will be featuring a Street Hop contest, with a $500 grand prize (which means the competition will be hot). Plus, there's also gonna be a lowrider bicycle exhibit--whose designs are often more wacked-out than the cars! And just to assuage your fears that the music will not be provided by Sha Na Na, local rap impresarios Cool Nutz and Mr. D.O.G. will be on hand to get the street bumpin'.

So, while old folks will definitely be allowed on the premises, if he wants to fit in, Grampy better make that wheelchair hop! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY