New Column!

All articles tagged "New Column!"

Comedy Mar 12 4:00 AM

Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: “Are You Voting for Biden or Bernie?”

Frank Cassano

Comedy Feb 27 4:00 AM

New Column! “I Passed My Hep C Test!” by Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest

Comedy Feb 13 4:00 AM

New Column: "I Think I Caused the Coronavirus" by Billy Ray Cyrus

Billy Ray Cyrus

— Advertisement —

Comedy Jan 30 4:00 AM

New Column!: Tip Her a Fiver! by Adam Driver

Adam Driver

Hey Lovebirds! It’s Time to Submit Your FREE <i>Mercury</i> Valentine!

New Column! Jan 16 4:00 AM

Hey Lovebirds! It’s Time to Submit Your FREE Mercury Valentine!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Dec 19 4:00 AM

The “Decade in Review” Match Game!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

— Advertisement —

New Column! Dec 19 4:00 AM

Send Us Your “Online Dating War Story”—and Win Big Bucks!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Nov 21 4:00 AM

Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: “What Are You Thankful For?”

Frank Cassano

Announcing the 2020 <i>Portland Mercury</i> FOOD WEEK Schedule

Comedy Nov 7 4:00 AM

Announcing the 2020 Portland Mercury FOOD WEEK Schedule

Wm. Steven Humphrey

— Advertisement —

Comedy Oct 24 4:00 AM

Portland’s Most Haunted Places (That You Never Knew Were Super Fucking Haunted)!

Mercury Staff

Comedy Oct 10 4:00 AM

Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: Should Donald Trump be Impeached?

Frank Cassano

Comedy Sep 26 4:00 AM

New Column: Another White Guy Drops Out of 2020 Democratic Presidential Race

Donald Henderson

Events Sep 12 4:00 AM

Quick! Get Your Tickets Now for the Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy 2019!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Aug 29 4:00 AM

One Hulk’s Opinion: Hulk SMASH Puny Jay Inslee!

The Incredible Hulk

Movies & TV Aug 15 4:00 AM

Hurry Up Already! Entries for the 2019 HUMP! Film Fest are Due September 13!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Aug 1 4:00 AM

You’re Wrong About That! (Portland Edition)

Francine Colman-Gutierrez

Comedy Jul 18 4:00 AM

Two Months After Announcing Presidential Bid, Another White Guy Declares Himself the Democratic Nominee

Donald Henderson

America, Make No Mistake—I <i>WILL</i> Disappoint You

Comedy Jul 4 4:00 AM

America, Make No Mistake—I WILL Disappoint You

Former Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller

Comedy Jun 20 4:00 AM

In Unanimous Vote, Portland Pets Vow to Bite the Ass of Anyone Using Fireworks

Donald Henderson

Like Sex and Comedy? Then You’ll Love <i>Talkin’ Dirty with Shrista & AJ</i>!

Events Jun 6 4:00 AM

Like Sex and Comedy? Then You’ll Love Talkin’ Dirty with Shrista & AJ!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy May 23 4:00 AM

In Crowded Democratic Field, Another White Guy Announces Bid for 2020 Presidency

Donald Henderson

Comedy May 9 4:00 AM

Radical E-Scootin’! by Vladmir Putin

Vladimir Putin

Comedy Apr 25 4:00 AM

Ask a Guy Who’s Just Standing There on the Pedestrian Bridge Over I-5

the Guy Who’s Just Standing There on the Pedestrian Bridge Over I-5

Comedy Apr 11 4:00 AM

Ask a Mansplainer!

The Mansplainer

Comedy Mar 14 4:00 AM

Li’l Robert Mueller Mysteries: The Case of the Dubious President

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Feb 28 4:00 AM

You’re Wrong About That!

Francine Colman-Gutierrez

Comedy Feb 14 4:00 AM

Ask a Soiled Mattress Down by the River

Soiled Mattress Down by the River

Comedy Jan 31 4:00 AM

The Sinus Infection Report

Erik Henriksen

New Column! Jan 17 4:00 AM

Hey Lovebirds! It’s Time to Submit Your FREE Mercury Valentine!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

The <i>Mercury</i>’s Absolutely, 100 Percent Guaranteed Accurate, Predictions for 2019!

Comedy Jan 3 4:00 AM

The Mercury’s Absolutely, 100 Percent Guaranteed Accurate, Predictions for 2019!

Mercury Staff

Comedy Dec 20 4:00 AM

Baby New Year Can Go Straight to Hell

Old Man Last Year

Comedy Dec 6 4:00 AM

Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: "What Do You Want from Santa This Year?"

Frank Cassano

Comedy Nov 22 4:00 AM

“Just Puttin’ Out Feelers!” by Mayor Ted Wheeler

Comedy Nov 8 4:00 AM

“Both Sides” Journalism Presents... “Carton of Spoiled Milk: Dangerous or Simply Misunderstood?”

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Oct 25 4:00 AM

Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas!

Mercury Staff

Be On the Lookout for These... <i>SCAMS!</i>

Comedy Oct 11 4:00 AM

Be On the Lookout for These... SCAMS!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Imbecile Parade Sep 27 4:00 AM

Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade

Should the Mercury Have a Conservative Columnist?

Frank Cassano

New Biweekly <i>Mercury</i> Slogans That Were Quickly Rejected

Comedy Sep 13 4:00 AM

New Biweekly Mercury Slogans That Were Quickly Rejected

Mercury Staff

Comedy Aug 22 4:00 AM

Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade!

This Week’s Question: What Do You Think of Portland’s New E-Scooters?

Frank Cassano

Events Aug 15 4:00 AM

Don’t Miss the Undisputable Fun of the Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Aug 8 4:00 AM

Move Over, E-Scooters! HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICKS Are Coming to Portland!

Fuck Your E-Scooter!

Comedy Aug 1 4:00 AM

Introducing... SCROOT™!

Portland’s Newest E-Scooter Company for Bros Who Say “Scroo” the “Roolz”!

Don’t Miss America’s Funniest Night of Comedy... <i>THE I, ANONYMOUS SHOW!</i>

Events Jul 25 4:00 AM

Don’t Miss America’s Funniest Night of Comedy... THE I, ANONYMOUS SHOW!

Comedy Jul 18 4:00 AM

Ask Your Next Door Neighbor, Hank Henderson

Hank Henderson

SEX Jul 11 4:00 AM

Submit Your Dirty Film to HUMP! (Where the Grand Prize is... $10,000!?!)

Comedy Jul 4 4:00 AM

Ask an ICE Agent!

Everything You Wanted to Know About ICE (But Were Afraid to Ask)

Jake Lawson, Agent of ICE

Don’t Miss the July Edition of the <i>I, Anonymous Show</i>!

Events Jun 27 4:00 AM

Don’t Miss the July Edition of the I, Anonymous Show!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Jun 20 4:00 AM

Meet Connor Chadbourne, Fillmore Elementary’s Child Ombudsman

Events Jun 13 4:00 AM

Quick! Get Your Tickets Now for the Best of HUMP!

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Comedy Jun 6 4:00 AM

Fleet Week Tips from the Royal Canadian Navy

Able Seaman Liam Tremblay

New Column!

Should the Mercury Have a Conservative Columnist?

This Week’s Question: What Do You Think of Portland’s New E-Scooters?

Fuck Your E-Scooter!

Portland’s Newest E-Scooter Company for Bros Who Say “Scroo” the “Roolz”!

Everything You Wanted to Know About ICE (But Were Afraid to Ask)

Just Can't Get Enough?

Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!