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Your Anonymous Rants & Confessions! 🤐
New Column!
All articles tagged "New Column!"
Comedy
Mar 12
4:00 AM
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: “Are You Voting for Biden or Bernie?”
Frank Cassano
Comedy
Feb 27
4:00 AM
New Column! “I Passed My Hep C Test!” by Ryan Seacrest
Ryan Seacrest
Comedy
Feb 13
4:00 AM
New Column: "I Think I Caused the Coronavirus" by Billy Ray Cyrus
Billy Ray Cyrus
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Comedy
Jan 30
4:00 AM
New Column!: Tip Her a Fiver! by Adam Driver
Adam Driver
New Column!
Jan 16
4:00 AM
Hey Lovebirds! It’s Time to Submit Your FREE
Mercury
Valentine!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Dec 19
4:00 AM
The “Decade in Review” Match Game!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
— Advertisement —
New Column!
Dec 19
4:00 AM
Send Us Your “Online Dating War Story”—and Win Big Bucks!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Nov 21
4:00 AM
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: “What Are You Thankful For?”
Frank Cassano
Comedy
Nov 7
4:00 AM
Announcing the 2020
Portland Mercury
FOOD WEEK Schedule
Wm. Steven Humphrey
— Advertisement —
Comedy
Oct 24
4:00 AM
Portland’s Most Haunted Places (That You Never Knew Were Super Fucking Haunted)!
Mercury Staff
Comedy
Oct 10
4:00 AM
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: Should Donald Trump be Impeached?
Frank Cassano
Comedy
Sep 26
4:00 AM
New Column: Another White Guy Drops Out of 2020 Democratic Presidential Race
Donald Henderson
Events
Sep 12
4:00 AM
Quick! Get Your Tickets Now for the Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy 2019!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Aug 29
4:00 AM
One Hulk’s Opinion: Hulk SMASH Puny Jay Inslee!
The Incredible Hulk
Movies & TV
Aug 15
4:00 AM
Hurry Up Already! Entries for the 2019 HUMP! Film Fest are Due September 13!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Aug 1
4:00 AM
You’re Wrong About That! (Portland Edition)
Francine Colman-Gutierrez
Comedy
Jul 18
4:00 AM
Two Months After Announcing Presidential Bid, Another White Guy Declares Himself the Democratic Nominee
Donald Henderson
Comedy
Jul 4
4:00 AM
America, Make No Mistake—I
WILL
Disappoint You
Former Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller
Comedy
Jun 20
4:00 AM
In Unanimous Vote, Portland Pets Vow to Bite the Ass of Anyone Using Fireworks
Donald Henderson
Events
Jun 6
4:00 AM
Like Sex and Comedy? Then You’ll Love
Talkin’ Dirty with Shrista & AJ
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Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
May 23
4:00 AM
In Crowded Democratic Field, Another White Guy Announces Bid for 2020 Presidency
Donald Henderson
Comedy
May 9
4:00 AM
Radical E-Scootin’! by Vladmir Putin
Vladimir Putin
Comedy
Apr 25
4:00 AM
Ask a Guy Who’s Just Standing There on the Pedestrian Bridge Over I-5
the Guy Who’s Just Standing There on the Pedestrian Bridge Over I-5
Comedy
Apr 11
4:00 AM
Ask a Mansplainer!
The Mansplainer
Comedy
Mar 14
4:00 AM
Li’l Robert Mueller Mysteries: The Case of the Dubious President
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Feb 28
4:00 AM
You’re Wrong About That!
Francine Colman-Gutierrez
Comedy
Feb 14
4:00 AM
Ask a Soiled Mattress Down by the River
Soiled Mattress Down by the River
Comedy
Jan 31
4:00 AM
The Sinus Infection Report
Erik Henriksen
New Column!
Jan 17
4:00 AM
Hey Lovebirds! It’s Time to Submit Your FREE
Mercury
Valentine!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Jan 3
4:00 AM
The
Mercury
’s Absolutely, 100 Percent Guaranteed Accurate, Predictions for 2019!
Mercury Staff
Comedy
Dec 20
4:00 AM
Baby New Year Can Go Straight to Hell
Old Man Last Year
Comedy
Dec 6
4:00 AM
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade: "What Do You Want from Santa This Year?"
Frank Cassano
Comedy
Nov 22
4:00 AM
“Just Puttin’ Out Feelers!” by Mayor Ted Wheeler
Comedy
Nov 8
4:00 AM
“Both Sides” Journalism Presents... “Carton of Spoiled Milk: Dangerous or Simply Misunderstood?”
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Oct 25
4:00 AM
Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas!
Mercury Staff
Comedy
Oct 11
4:00 AM
Be On the Lookout for These...
SCAMS!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Imbecile Parade
Sep 27
4:00 AM
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade
Should the
Mercury
Have a Conservative Columnist?
Frank Cassano
Comedy
Sep 13
4:00 AM
New Biweekly
Mercury
Slogans That Were Quickly Rejected
Mercury Staff
Comedy
Aug 22
4:00 AM
Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade!
This Week’s Question: What Do You Think of Portland’s New E-Scooters?
Frank Cassano
Events
Aug 15
4:00 AM
Don’t Miss the Undisputable Fun of the Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Aug 8
4:00 AM
Move Over, E-Scooters! HOPSTER™ E-POGO STICKS Are Coming to Portland!
Fuck Your E-Scooter!
Comedy
Aug 1
4:00 AM
Introducing... SCROOT™!
Portland’s Newest E-Scooter Company for Bros Who Say “Scroo” the “Roolz”!
Events
Jul 25
4:00 AM
Don’t Miss America’s Funniest Night of Comedy...
THE I, ANONYMOUS SHOW!
Comedy
Jul 18
4:00 AM
Ask Your Next Door Neighbor, Hank Henderson
Hank Henderson
SEX
Jul 11
4:00 AM
Submit Your Dirty Film to HUMP! (Where the Grand Prize is... $10,000!?!)
Comedy
Jul 4
4:00 AM
Ask an ICE Agent!
Everything You Wanted to Know About ICE (But Were Afraid to Ask)
Jake Lawson, Agent of ICE
Events
Jun 27
4:00 AM
Don’t Miss the July Edition of the
I, Anonymous Show
!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Jun 20
4:00 AM
Meet Connor Chadbourne, Fillmore Elementary’s Child Ombudsman
Events
Jun 13
4:00 AM
Quick! Get Your Tickets Now for the Best of HUMP!
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comedy
Jun 6
4:00 AM
Fleet Week Tips from the Royal Canadian Navy
Able Seaman Liam Tremblay
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