You might think that being a strip club bouncer is one of the awesomest jobs in the world. But Abraham Dover thinks you're a fucking retard.

"The novelty wears off in three days," he says. "After that, nudity is just a uniform. After four and a half years, I don't even notice who's on stage.

"Mostly, a bouncer is stopping problems before they begin. No one wants there to be a fight. We lose business. Basically, I have three duties as a bouncer: Protect the bartender, protect the girls, and protect the patrons."

You'd think that protecting the girls would be the first priority.

Abraham laughs, "So do they."

So can anybody be a strip club bouncer?

"No," Abraham says. "Everyone gets into this job because they knew the last bouncer, and they got him the job. But the job is a great deal more fucked up than people think. Cleaning up shit, vomit, semen, and getting your ribs broken is part of it, too. I once had a middle-aged woman try to take a chunk out of my arm."

He shows me the scar. It's clearly mouth-shaped.

"I can't even tell you the really fucked up shit. I work in the shittiest, most crime-ridden part of town. I deal with the worst kind of people. Last week I went to clean the women's bathroom, and I found the wastebasket half-filled with puke and a pair of women's cotton panties floating in the pail. And that's the women's bathroom! Basically, every strip club bouncer quits just because they're sick of cleaning shit off of the bathroom walls." MANU BERELLI