Anonymous From an Anonymous Local Head Shop

Hey "longhair!" So you finally found a job? Killer. But what's this--you need a urine sample? How gauche. Here's five ways to make your pee as impressive as your résumé.

Ready Clean: "You drink the bottle and 15 minutes later you drink a bottle of water. It takes about an hour to kick in, and gives you a five-hour window. It includes minerals normally found in pee, so it looks like regular pee!"

Ready Clean For Women: "It has cranberry extract in it, because women have a different ph level."

Extra Clean: "It's for people with a higher body weight, or higher toxin levels. It makes you pee like a racehorse."

Fast Flush: "Ten capsules. You take two at a time with a certain amount of water. It takes like an hour and 15 minutes to take them all."

Liquid Gold: "This is a concentrate. You drink it with a certain amount of water, and you're ready to go."

Marianne Donadio from All That Glitters Jewelry & Loan

It's always wise to take stock of your resources... then pawn them! But it sucks to drag stuff down to the pawnshop just to drag it right back. Marianne offers some hints as to what's worth schlepping.

Jewelry: "We like gold and diamond jewelry--the bigger the better!"

Video game players: "PlayStation 2, with any or all of the accessories."

Cameras: "Camcorders, digital cameras. They have to be year 2000 or newer, with three mega pixels or higher."

Music equipment: "Guitars or amps, vintage and new, with the cases."

Platinum: "Not silver! And also, coins."