Nate Preston
From Die Monitr Batss

Art punk and fixture of hot bars/parties, Nate had a documentary made about him: Nate Preston, King of Portland. And while it might seem advisable to stock your serious record collection with the rare and valuable, he swears these are music DON'Ts:

DON'T COLLECT Tipi Ministerit, Verta Rakastava Nainen 7" EP $300: "If you suffer from an absurd passion for Finnish punk and hardcore, at least try to avoid the pointless 45s. All you get is one or two songs with names like 'Taskalsskelsi mucl sleyieslsaick'."

DON'T COLLECT Placebo, 1973 LP $500: "Buried underneath the possibility that some hot DJ recently sampled this, what you really have is a boring Euro acid jazz fusion combo."

DON'T COLLECT Horrific Child, L'etrange Monsieur Whistler LP $700: "It's just a bunch of French hippies reading poetry over a buzzing synthesizer."

DON'T COLLECT Cryptological Fascists Clowns, Genital Mutiliationism LP $2,000: "This album only exists as a vague, yet lasting concept in the minds of the most obsessed punk collectors. For all practical purposes, it doesn't even exist."

Jamie Pauluk
From Everyday Music
1931 NE Sandy

In an informal poll, Everyday Music was named the record store with the snobbiest staff. While Jamie seems anything but, avoid these pitfalls or incur the (further) disdain of record store employees everywhere:

DON'T Disrupt the Merchandise: "Don't flip whole aisles of CDs forward as you browse and not push them back."

DON'T Be Helpless: "You can't hand employees a list and expect us to fetch it all for you."

DON'T Abuse the Listening Station: "Don't try to bring up something like Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon to 'sample.'"

DON'T Try to Sell Your Trash: "Don't bring in anything moldy, foul smelling, ancient, unplayable, or just plain crap music."