Everything as Fuck



Here’s a joke from “The Banquet of Wit” (1790):

A gentlewoman who thought her servants always cheated when they went to Billingsgate to buy fish, was resolved to go thither herself, and asking the price of some fish, which she thought too dear, she bid the fish woman about half what she asked: “Lord, madam,” said the woman, “I must have stole it to sell it at that price, but you shall have it if you will tell me what you do to keep your hands so white”; “Nothing, good woman,” answered the lady, “but wearing dog-skin gloves”; “damn you for a lying bitch,” replied the other, “my husband has wore dog skin breeches these ten years, and his arse is as brown as a nutmeg.”
From "Ornatissimus Joculator: Or, The Compleat Jester" (1703):

John Cross and Joan Cross used to lead Hands to shit together, and being one Day hard at it, something fell from Joan with an unusual Noise; Quoth John, Do you piss Love; No, reply'd Joan, I shit Honey.
RIP Jerome Kersey. You were $$$ in the paint
^^ I do say, m'lady!