DEAR ELLIOTT SMITH, I am 10. My mother is divorsed and now she has a boyfriend. He does stuff with me and stuff, but its like he wants to be my dad and I don't want him to be my dad. I tried to talk to my brother but he's bussy and stuff and doesnt want to waste time with little kids anymore. He smokes pot I think. I wish I could live with my real dad. What do I do?--Tommy Jacobsen

Dear Tommy: If the Ancient Greeks have any insight to provide (and they always do!), then I am sorry to say it's likely your situation will end badly. Problems quite similar to yours were faced with tragic results by none other than Oedipus, during his reign as the king of Thebes.

Hoping to escape a prophecy that his son would one day murder him, King Laius of Thebes abandoned his newborn child to a swift death alone in the wilderness. The baby, however, was discovered by a shepherd, who raised the infant Oedipus as his own.

When Oedipus was grown, another prophecy forced him to leave the shepherd he thought had sired him, for he had been warned that he was fated to kill his father and wed his mother. Reckless and heartbroken, unaware of his true lineage, Oedipus wandered into Thebes, where he killed King Laius and a group of men who attacked him on the road. Thus was the prophecy of Laius fulfilled.

Oedipus traveled on, and eventually bested the Sphinx. For his feat, the grateful citizens of Thebes crowned Oedipus King, and he took the throne next to Jocasta, the Queen, with whom he lived as husband.

Years later, the terrible truth was finally revealed. Overcome by shame, Jocasta took her own life, and in the agony of despair, Oedipus took a knife and brutally gouged out his own eyes.

So, I guess the news isn't so hot, Tommy. But, on the upside, my new album Figure 8 is available from DreamWorks Records, and it's terrific. Pick one up today!