Phyllis Routenberg's

People become blind because they are being punished by God for wickedness!

Given unlimited access to tobacco and rolling papers, box turtles quickly become addicted to nicotine!

Blowjobs don't actually involve blowing! It's a matter of suction!

Leprosy is considered good luck in Nova Scotia!

The incisors of German descendents never stop growing!

Mormons believe they are protected by magical underwear!

Almost all types of animal feces are completely organic!

There is no such thing as testicular cancer! Doctors just made it up so they could get rich!

The bite of any accidentally irradiated animal will impart superpowers!

Freelance Amish assassins are a growing threat in certain areas of rural Pennsylvania!

You can safely eat a pot of spaghetti--even after it's been sitting out for three days!

Christina Aguilera thinks her make-up in the Moulin Rouge video looks "okay"!

Eskimos invented fisting!

Not only can dogs smell fear, they can smell incontinence, seasickness, and astigmatism!

Cats are immune to snakebites, but once bitten they will become venomous themselves!

Sea lions love barbeque!

Homosexuality is virtually unknown among sharks!