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Ron, The Aspiring Necrophiliac

DEAR RON: I'm considering installing some weight-bearing hooks in my basement ceiling, but I don't know where to start. Help!

Cincinnati, OH

Frank, the secret is to "plan ahead." Let's say you have to quickly vacate your residence; you probably don't want some hooks "hanging around." I suggest finding the ceiling beam and screwing in a metal threaded sleeve that fits a 3/16 by two-inch hook (though it may be tempting, don't go bigger. A 3/16 hook will easily hold up to 200 lbs). By making use of a metal sleeve, you can quickly and easily unscrew and remove those noticeable hooks should any "unexpected guests" happen to "drop by."

DEAR RON: Where can I find a good stainless steel rolling table? I need one that can support up to 180 lbs and is at least six feet long.

Destin, FL

Oooh, now we're talking! (Sorry, but I'm kind of a "metal table geek!") Now, you could go the easy route and contact a local medical supply company, but... bear with me for a moment! You should really check out International Retail's MWS-64 series. It's simply exquisite! Not only does the deck extend to six feet, but it has easy to reach cubby holes, and (hold on to your hat!) telescopic hanger bars! Sure, it costs more than your average rolling table, but one look and you'll agree: The possibilities are endless!

DEAR RON: I need a particular color of eye shadow. It's very important that this eye shadow is "Burnished Gold." Please respond immediately.

Woodburn, WA

Ed, I'm assuming you mean Cover Girl Eye Enhancers, which does indeed come in "burnished gold." You can easily purchase this at But if you'll allow one tidbit of advice: By using a damp eyeshadow brush and applying a thin layer of face powder to the lids of your subject, the shadow will stay in place for quite a nice length of time. It takes an extra second or so, but trust me, the effect is well worth it!

Do you have a question for Ron, the Aspiring Necrophiliac?
Send it c/o Portland Mercury, 1524 NW 23rd Ave, Suite 2, Portland, OR 97210.