tool sucks

On the other hand, this I, Anonymous didn't suck, which is pretty remarkable.

Never too young.

Hey, that drawing is of a pickle...

Oh noos, some FIEND tossed a mucus-green dildo featuring a protruding clit stim onto a school playground, the devil!
Boo hoo, what're YOU gonna do about it, huh lady? If you're that bent outta shape about it, why don't you call the freakin' cops or something? Who knows, maybe they'll do some actual police work & dust it for prints. Maybe the school pricipal will turn out to be the culprit. Maybe it wasn't meant for the kids.
You know, you could've simply taken it home YOURSELF & disinfected it. That way you'd have another one to add to your collection, you being the dildo expert 'n all. But ooh noo, you had to go & get your panties all bunched up, went on your little computer, & mashed out this whiny little diatribe of yours.
Gosh, i wonder if that lame new Portlandia show covers this part of out quaint city: compulsive professional whinners?

Hey, it's not traffic. I say it's a winner.

DamosA is a fucking shitstain

Here's the rest of this I, Anonymous submission, which was axed for brevity. (One CAN have too many words!) Anyhoo, oddly, it's all true. And thanks for all the kind words of comment, pdx. (where they're never too much!) Enjoy!!...

I understand that our public education system here in Oregon and across the US is in decline; as you exemplify, but I’d expect someone as ardent a love muffin as you demonstratively are to have a bit more compassion for the situation, and not make it deliberately worse. Leaving your amorous discards as such constitutes “making it worse”. Just because you got a crappy education and had a bad public school experience, don’t make it worse for the rest! And quit being a perv.
p.s. Luckily, during a walk, my poodle sniffed out your ex-lovething and retrieved it (after chewing on it for awhile of course), dropping it at my ten year-olds feet, where I prevented him from picking it up and tossing it back to the dog for a game of fetch. Yeah, thanks for that. FYI: next time, scarletgirl.com can provide safe landings your lust castoffs.

Great rant...... it was great enough to warrant DamosA's 550th comment mentioning professional whiners ....he ranked on the couple I anons I had published with the BooHoo thing. maybe he gets a check from the Merc (eyes rolling.)

I agree...Dildos should have a "Bat Cave" where they can be easily accessed in emergencies. Keep that shit at home. I found out the hard way that vibrators are not good travel companions. While rushing to the ticket counter at PDX,"Dick" (that's his name) got turned on and jumped out of my purse...he really made a scene. When Dick dies, I would never think of disposing his remains at a school. He's been good to me.

Keep Portland Wierd, but not that wierd.

DamosA's predictable whining about the week's whiner is making me horny.

Wow, who knew there were soo many pious anti-dildo whinners here in Portland?

Hey DamosA! You're a fucking hippocrite--you write these detailed manifestos complaining about other people complaining! How bout a nice hot cup o' shut the fuck up!

Ah DamosA, you nnever fail to enntertainn.

Who's to say some kid didn't just swipe the offending phallus out of their mom's/dad's night stand and drag it to school with them? I think that scenario is far more believable than this one. But that explanation offers little in the way of I,Anonymous passive/aggressive letter fodder, and therefor will never be suggested.

It's not whining if you'd say it yourself, and I'd say what Anonymous said, Damos, so let it stand.
This "culture" doesn't like children. The dido leaver is just an ass and should be called out for it.

I am so sorry about that! It must have been me, St Dildo Faerie! Last Dildobration's Eve I was quite busy and I was delivering a gift to the principal over there at Name O Guy Elementary and we must have lost some cargo. I apologize for your suffering. I never meant to hurt anyone. I shall implement new secure packaging for our 'stocking stuffers' henceforth!

Whoo-whee! That's a relief, introvore. But don't think you're gettin' off (haha) that easy! Where's that Dildobration you mentioned? PLEEZE tell all us hornies out here that we don't have to wait all the way 'til next Dec. to break from our dildo-less imposed celibat-ation, and join the Dildobration/Vibratathon?!!? Don't hold out on us...p.s. d u also work for scarletgirl.com?

+1 disastronaut. Twenty bux says it was an eighth-grader who stole his unfortunate goth sister's snot green dildo she got from hot topic or something.

Wait a minute, your DOG sniffed it out? It wasn't lying in plain site? Sounds like someone is just looking for something to complain about - and a gratuititous opportunity to slam Portland Public Schools.

If all folks in Portland can do is whine & bitch about dildos & bike paths, then why don't they all just move to Lake Oswego or something?

i...the dildo was in plain site; the dog just got to it first. And if we didn't have dildos and bike paths to complain about, this wouldn't be pdx, and there'd be no grist for the I,A mill. If you want to complain about something,(other than what others have, the ones that the editors thought humourous to print) then please; do your best! Then, when I,A prints it, we can all have a laugh.

Ummmm... While it was pretty sick, I don't think it was really worthy of writing an IAnon over. Now, if you'd seen someone actually using this " mucus-green dildo featuring a protruding clit stim" In the school yard, while smoking crack and drinking forty ounces, THAT would have been IAnon worthy!
(Love how descriptive you were though, really adds dramatic flair)
NEXT!

Even better I Anon column: admitting to using the dildo, while smoking crack & chugging a 40 ouncer in the schoolyard.

How about an exploding dildo blinding a sniffing pooch while DamosA strokes his chicken?Thats good reads.