I, Anonymous

Astoria Doesn't Belong to You


I had always suspected, and now I know, that the only real way to address all of my vague gentrification and micro-specific nativist complaints is a communal effort to objectify and degrade women.
Anyone who's a true Oregonian knows that Astoria belongs to the Goonies anyway.
I lived there years ago. I met my ex-husband there (correlation?)
As ridiculous as Portland has become, Astoria is a far cry from the bearded, cycling, beersnob, zip code driven (you know its true) tattoo sporting, fruits in PTown.
It has too many inbred, good ol'boys to progress into anything remotely hipster. Astoria joke: How do you find a hipster in Astoria? Just look for the skinny jeans. *Plaid shirts and beards originiated here. Ever hear of lumbersexual? Duh.
Wait, has anyone seriously called Astoria "practically a suburb of Portland"? Regardless of whether Astoria's culture has become too PDX-ized, does any actual human commute back and forth between the two cities five times a week? That'd be really fun in the winter.

(And yes, I know that the poster probably just means that Portland style and Portland people have infiltrated Astoria too much for their liking ... but that's not what "suburb" means.)

I think this post is a straw man. You just wanted to say "throat punch."
I thought this was gonna be a hatin on Goonies tourism article. Guess i was wrong!! Never heard a single person in PDX claim Astoria as a suburb, ive only been here since '92 tho.