Kalah Allen
To the ASSHOLE who lets his dog shit all over my neighborhood:

For weeks, nay, months I have been walking around your flea bitten canine's huge piles of shit. At first it was just one pile. Then another, and now it is becoming biggest offense on my sense of smell since a tree backed up sewage into the Willamette last spring, and it stunk up the whole city. I have looked at, and stepped in my last pile of dog shit!

Four times now I have seen you allow your pet to mark his territory, by leaving his aromatic logs on the grass and sidewalks. Just yesterday I was smart enough to follow you (at a distance so as not to seem conspicuous.)

I saw you go home. I know where you live.

I have decided that in order to be nice to all of the other people in this otherwise lovely neighborhood, I will pick up your dog's feces. I will place it in a bag, along with every other pile of shit I can find. (I might even add a little of my own). Then I am going to dump the entire bag (which I will kindly make sure is full to the brim) on your front step. I wonder how beneath you it will be to clean it up then, asshole. I will continue to do this until I notice the piles of shit diminishing in this area. Consider yourself warned. The dog shit patrol is in effect as of now!--Anonymous