Stop Screwing Your Students
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.
You lecherous old fuck. It's pathetic enough that you are a middle-aged college professor trying to recapture your lost youth by drinking your sorry-ass regrets at a college bar... but Jesus Christ man, do you have to fuck your students? Granted, you do teach at a local university, so you must be some kind of fucking genius or something. But why don't you use your feeble intellect and realize that fucking my girlfriend, who is 21 years younger than you, is not a wise thing? If I wasn't so goddamned disgusted by you, I would rip your cheesy accent from your throat and shove it up your ass so you can feel the hot air distend your 47-year-old bowels. I'm living with her again, you moron, so stop calling and emailing her. Just think, next fall you'll have a whole new batch of girls to seduce. Next time, try to find one without a boyfriend, you sleazy son of a bitch. Or better yet, keep your wrinkly dick to yourself.