To the fucking dim sum party-throwing asshole who took an X-Acto knife and surgically removed 10 recipes from the Williams-Sonoma Asian Cookbook at the North Portland Library, I say: What the fuck? Have you ever heard of a photocopier, asshole? Was three weeks not long enough for you to borrow the book and make some pot stickers? Library books are for everyone, not just your selfish ass. If you could afford to put together satay chicken, Peking duck kabobs, and a pho sampler for your fancy-ass cocktail party, then you can afford a few dimes to make some fucking photocopies. You are officially going to library hell. From now on, every book you try to check out will be mysteriously lost FOREVER. And I hope your won tons taste like shit.—Anonymous