Kalah Allen

To the useless teen sacks who like to beg for change—if you have gotten so lazy that you can no longer even beg for my money, don't just sit there rattling a cup. The only thing that the sound of clinking coins in a paper cup makes me want to do is feed them to you. Will that make you feel full? Will you stop acting like such a mopey little shit? Poor little homeless boys and girls. Being a young adult, just graduated from high school, and all you can do with your free time is wander around, leeching. Well, you wanna know something? You wanna know what happens to little homeless adults? All that street living starts screwing up your looks. That cute little puppy turns into a scary ol' pit bull. People stop giving you pity change, and you got to start working for it. Suddenly one day, as you are getting run out of some nice residential neighborhood with about five bucks of cans on your back, you realize that you are 40 years old, and being a waste of space is all you will ever be. So put down Catcher in the Rye, move back in with your parents, and take the minimum wage dishwashing job, because if you don't, your next meal might have a toxic nickel content.—Anonymous