Dear friendly neighborhood meth freak: First of all, I applaud you for the ingenious idea of stealing metal right out of the recycling bins. The fact that you came up with a way to avoid breaking into private homes, automobiles, and businesses, yet still be able to finance your habit via scrap metal sales is a sign of intelligence. Hats off for making other people's garbage so profitable. Good for you! However, can I ask a teensy favor? Please don't steal the accompanying recycling bin. I have to pay to have them replaced after a few go missing. I am sure that you had no idea, as the good morals of tweakers are widely known throughout society. Since you are a person of obviously high standards, I am sure you are dismayed at the monetary cost you have laid upon my doorstep. In fact, just to show no hard feelings, from this day forward I will tape a garbage bag to the bin which you can use for your convenience and mine. You can put the pilfered trash in it, and there may even be room for you to put other people's trash in it as well. Anything to make life easier for a tweaker, I always say!—Anonymous
A Compromise for Crystal Meth
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.