Jeremy Eaton

I'm certainly sure you are familiar with the phrase "leaving well enough alone." And I'm just as certainly sure you think "leaving well enough alone" is a good idea. Well, HORSE HOCKEY! Do you think I would have gotten this far in the business had I "left well enough alone"? Hell, NO! I am a success because I took "well enough" and I didn't "leave it alone"! I annoyed it, I poked it, I prodded it, and then I beat it (just like I did to that "dead horse")! And to this very day, I still adamantly REFUSE to "leave well enough alone"! Do you feel like I've sufficiently made my point never to "leave well enough alone"? Well, then you have not learned today's lesson, because today's lesson is "NEVER LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE"!!!

And believe you me, I'm not the only person who has succeeded from not "leaving well enough alone." There's Sylvester Stallone, Aaron Spelling and who can forget lovable old Carrot Top? However! Now we can add Hollywood director Tony Scott to the list, because not only is he the creator of one of the greatest films of all time, Top Gun, but now he's decided to turn it into a weekly TV series! Now that's what I call beating a dead horse AND not leaving well enough alone!

For those who missed the greatest homoerotic work of art from the Reagan era, Top Gun tells the tender tale of a young fighter pilot named Maverick (played by Tom Cruise) and his best buddy, Goose (played by a toupéed Dr. Greene from E.R.). Together they enter the "Top Gun" school, where they must prove they're the "best of the best" by strutting around in their underpants, doing horrible karaoke versions of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'," and gazing longingly at each other's hot bodies during sweaty games of beach volleyball. Oh and they have to shoot down some Rooskies as well.

Anyhoo, as we can see, Top Gun is perfect in every conceivable way. But is that any reason to "leave well enough alone"? HELL NO!! And that's why director Tony Scott is taking this classic work of cinema and turning it into a weekly reality show for CBS that's been given the snoozy name American Fighter Pilots. And though I might have named it Sweaty Studs in Underpants, I'm in no position to nitpick.

The show will follow a group of young pilots who are being trained to blow away some Afghan planes (or whoever we hate by that time), as well as delve into their personal lives. And though no other details are currently available, I'm certain you will be able to see episodes like

"Maverick Falls for His Flight Instructor": Maverick is troubled by sexual feelings for the new flight instructor--until he finds out she's a girl. Whew! That was a close one!

Or "Maverick vs. Iceman": Tensions rise when Maverick and Iceman compete for the number one seat in Top Gun class. Happily, the argument is settled by a towel-snapping contest in the locker room.

Or how about "Maverick's First Kill": Maverick accidentally bombs the shit out of an Afghan kindergarten and is distraught. Happily, his guilt is quickly forgotten, thanks to a towel-snapping contest in the locker room. (See?? Another classic example of not "leaving well enough alone"!)