A Dutch dermatologist, bored after working for years growing live sheets of human skin like so much veined sailcloth, wants instead, to refocus his efforts as an organ farmer and branch out into custom meat manufacturing in giant aquariums--without killing animals!
The University of Amsterdam's favorite skin farmer, Dr. Wiete Westerhof says he can use the same methods to grow clumps of meat as he uses to propagate artificial skin for human burn victims. Chef Frankenhof err Dr. Westerhof, says he can grow meat lumps as large as 50kg, in gigantic 5,000-liter aquariums filled with nutritional goo to sustain the growth of the tasty muscular pustules. According to his plan, the meat could be grown with collagen particles and muscle cells removed from "animal donors." Afterwards, the donors would be free to live their lives grazing, fucking, and not being eaten.
Westerhof told reporters, "The product will have the structure and taste of lean meat, but animals won't have to suffer for it." According to Westerhof, his methods could create huge quantities of artificial "pork, beef, and chicken meat as well as kangaroo, whale, and shellfish."
Think of it! No more killing for food! Have we seen the end of screaming hippies accusing meat-eaters of "capital crimes" for eating corn-fed calf, catfish, or clams? Greens, Republicans, Democrats, and Indies alike will be free to eat raw horsemeat without fear! Kitten! We can all eat kitten if we want! Moose, mouse, monkfish, or gorilla meat! Westerhof's buffet could include endangered white tiger, bald eagle, even specialty meats for the carnally cannibalistic who have no interest in a murder trial: yummy human flesh!
"Welcome to Meat-in-a-Tank, can I take your order?" "Yes, I'll have a filet of person burger and an order of the barbecued sperm whale nuggets..."
Tons and tons of meaty-meat-meat, ready to package, ready to eat, nothing to kill. All grown in attractive shapes, tubes, or even meat jump-ropes. Meats of any shape, type, and size. Personally, I've got a hankering for dolphin, the other, other white meat.