TO THE PORTLAND MERCURY: Your openly perverted ideas are promoted in ads in the Portland Mercury with the exploitation of people's bodies, showing themselves for the pleasures of people they don't even know!!!! God didn't make sex to be exploited, like you do with your group of people who are of immoral values, which deplete our country of growth and healthy living. I am a Child of God, and in the Bible God says that sexual promiscuity and adultery and prostitution and homosexuality is sin. Do you care what you are doing to society??? I don't know where my son got this trashy magazine—he's 19. In the name of my Lord Jesus, I rebuke your work of sexual perversion!!!
DEAR MERCURY: I've been here in Portland for four months now, and reading the Mercury, all I notice is a buncha pissers and whiners! Nathan Carson's review of the Nile/Hypocrisy show was something that screamed ignorance and contempt [Up & Coming, Jan 19]! First off, dipshit, it's not as if Nile ever aspired to be as big as Morbid Angel anyway. Second off, Hypocrisy is far from a "hookless" band. In fact, they're one of the best metal bands ever to come out of the proudly heathen, largely socialist nation of Sweden.
ATTN: ADAM GNADE: Kick?! Kick?! That was your first INXS album [Music, Jan 19]? 1987? If it were a perfect world as you suggest, then the ghost of Michael Hutchence would start by kicking your ass, you ignorant fuck. Kick represents the very last, and least of INXS's creative prowess. The fact that you are stupid enough not to know anything from The Swing or Shabooh Shoobah negates any valuable opinion you might have on the band. Of course the new album sucks, duh, only an idiot would consider it review worthy to begin with. Dissing Toby Keith? Way to go out on a limb, genius. However, to rip on G. Love while you sit there undoubtedly in a Death Cab for Cutie T-shirt only confirms your narrow-minded, uninformed views.
SHE DOESN'T SUCK!
Dear PORTLAND MERCURY: I just had the strange fortune to see my name on your website, in a small blurb about the author Mark Helprin and a reading he gave in July at Powell's [Readings Listings, July 28]. Oddly enough, the writer seemed to have had a crush on me in high school (I am the "Mormon chick" so nostalgically mentioned). Well, I just wanted to say hello. I hope you went to hear Helprin speak, as I've seen him read before and he made up lies (well, stories) that were enormously engaging. The latest writer that I "love the shit out of" is fellow Pacific Northwesterner David James Duncan. Read The Brothers K.
Megan Pugmire ("god-fearing lass")
CONGRATULATIONS TO MEGAN for not only winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week," but for being the only person to write in this week and not dump their Seasonal Affective Disorder-afflicted bitchiness all over us. For not sucking the last of our will to survive, Megan gets two tickets to see Early Man at Dante's on Thurs Feb 23, plus two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater. (Psssst! It was JUSTIN W. SANDERS who had the crush!)