Kangaroo Snack

Dear Reverend: I'm writing as a Christian animal lover to notify your readers of the wholesale slaughter of innocent kangaroos occurring in Australia. Every year over two million of these gentle herbivores are gruesomely murdered to provide sportswear industries with kangaroo hides, marketed under the euphemisms "K-Leather" and "RKT--Rubberized Kangaroo Technology." And now the KIAA (Kangaroo Industry Association of Australia) plans a propaganda campaign to put kangaroo meat on America's dinner table!

Jesus wouldn't eat a kangaroo, would He?

Sincerely, "Agnes," "France."

Dear "Agnes": Oh yes, He would! Despite what some of the more tree-hugging faithful would like to believe, the Bible clearly instructs us that Jesus was no vegetarian, but a hardy meat-enthusiast with an appetite as big as His Love. The New Testament again and again reminds us how Jesus and His disciples sat down to meat, regularly and with gusto. What's more, Luke 24:42 tells us that upon rising from the dead, Jesus' first request was for succulent broiled fish.

Some members of the Christian-Vegan-Socialist-Feminist fringe like to quote the Book of Genesis, in which God declared the Garden of Eden a meat-free zone. And yes, the whole world might have gone vegetarian, if it weren't for one little detail: SIN! And after God cleaned up a whole earthload of that sin with a Great Flood, He rewarded Noah and his descendants for their fine stewardship of his creatures, promising "Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you." Is the Bible not particularly clear on this point? Every moving thing that liveth ... MEAT! For YOU! Hallelujah!

Of all the many, many Biblical endorsements of the flesh-eating lifestyle, I find most appropriate Romans 14: "One man hath FAITH to eat ALL THINGS; but he that is WEAK eateth HERBS let not him that eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him." Likewise one shouldn't judge those of us who, for dietary or ethical reasons, loathe vegetarians. Rather, consider Jesus Christ's Golden Meat Rule: He commanded us to eat His Flesh, and drink His Blood, knowing that in eating Him we become well-nourished and wholesome. Had a sportswear industry existed in Galilee in Biblical times, He might also have beseeched us to shoe ourselves in Rubberized Christ Technology.