It's worked that well for you, 3.SrIZgXIn-94wlXob+TM*mLQxO?qXv^53.CJPq8&n&9TxsQWuEHZC:YlqeLUD&S?

There are many other birth control methods than the pill and condoms, and PILL should find one that works for her because odds are she'll have this problem again in life... And I agree with 3.S

About OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS- The writer of this letter didn't give enough information for this advice columnist to give such a blanket statement. The reason that psychologists pathologize open relationships is because they are an indicator of so many biological pathologies.
That said what this woman is describing is not an open relationship. It is in fact a disgusting parody of it. For an open relationship to work it needs to have an even quality to it. As it is this one is on an uneven footing, where both the man and the woman in this relationship are saying, that because she can't satisfy him they should open up their relationship to another partner. This uneveness will eventually grow and grow until she begins to hate him.
A few questions; Once he has a regular sex partner will he stop sleeping with his wife? This new partner will require an emotional connection to him ( a prerequisite to a truly open relationship), will his wife like sharing her husband both sexually and emotionally?
As for your therapist, I think that you are on to something. Your therapist should have steered you to a sex specialist and sent you both in for lab panels to assess hormone levels, thyroid, testosterone, progesterone etc. There are a number of things that can result in low sex drive in women, including profound depression, and hypo and hyperthyroidism, and drug interactions for example and in men there are many physiological and psychological reasons for hypersexuality, including but not exclusive to bipolar disease, mania, childhood abuse, etc....

I think that if you are going to open up your relationship every avenue needs to be explored first. Keep in mind that what you are proposing is a fix that heavily favors the man in this relationship also take in mind that the guy in question is a full grown man and as such should display a modicum of maturity while you two undergo real productive testing that may affect how you live your lives and your own physical and psychological health. (Go and buy some porno if you must , that's why we invented locks for bathrooms for crying out loud.)
Finally if all of these are exhausted and you are so hell bent on an open relationship then buy all means do it, but be aware that what you are proposing is an unequal relationship that in my experience very rarely does not destroy the originating relationship.

In response to Palmolita: I didn't read anywhere in the submission that the reasons LD and his/her partner are considering an open relationship relate to a difference in sex drive. Perhaps that has been the influential factor in your experiences with open relationships, and perhaps that isn't a very good foundation, but perhaps LD's partner has kinks that (s)he isn't at all into, and that's the stimulus for this discussion. I certainly agree that the driving influences of people's decisions to open up a relationship can have a serious impact on the success of those relationships, but I think it may be hasty to say that any and all originating circumstances create an unequal foundation.

I'd have to agree with transplant: The letter writer said they'd been together over a decade. I'm guessing in that amount of time they've come to know each other's needs pretty well.. I think it's telling she says "he has needs I cannot meet." That doesn't sound to me like a sex drive problem, it sounds like there's a kink that they just don't share.
And talk about blanket statements! "Open relationships are an indicator of biological pathologies"?!? I am DEFinitely going to need to see your research on that one, because that is QUITE a leap.
I will agree that, AS PROPOSED, the relationship favors the man, but if they DO go to a sex therapist who is acquainted with this sort of thing, I would expect he'll make them aware that is does indeed go both ways. (What if, as they explore this, the woman decides SHE wants someone else as well? Was the man really in for that part of it?).
The only part of Palmolita's post is agree with completely is this: "I think that if you are going to open up your relationship every avenue needs to be explored first." But to put it down to "biological pathology" is unfounded and assumptive.

I liked Savage Love much better without the comment role - I know I should stop at the end of Dan's column and just move on but I don't. I read the comments. They call out to me. And then I get mad at the masters of the obvious, the centers of attention and the know-it-alls. Maybe The Stranger could offer a comment-free version - I'd pay....