Savage Love

Taking the Lead


"I don't want her to get hurt."

moronic. Why not? Do people really think there exists relationships out there where someone isn't going to get hurt, or that YOU could prevent it?
That advice to ACLU is awful. Dan Savage needs to take another crack at this letter. Imagine this conversation between the kid and his parents:

"Hey mom and dad, you know how I'm 14 years old and all? Right, so my girlfriend's uncle pulled me aside today. He told me he was gay and that I could talk to him about anything at all and it would just be between him and me. Weird, huh?"

Your column is always (well, almost always) full of good stuff Dan, but I think your advice to ACLU was some of the best I've seen. Just another example and reminder why you do what you do (and quite well), and why the rest of us just read, learn and appreciate what you have to say. Don't ever stop.
The advise to ACLU is wrong in several regards:
1. It is butting into another persons' sexual life where that request wasn't asked for. The current situation is not harmful to his niece, as much as he thinks it is. The mother is a far better judge than the gay uncle.
2. As an uncle, you are too far off the relation-train to offer that type of advise, when parental figures exist. At best, the uncle might bring it up to her parents, but to address her directly is out of line.
3. Talking to the boy directly is *completely* out of line, and violates her privacy and pretty much every known "common sense" laws of things not to do to a 14-year-old. I'm too lazy to look it up, but it would conflict with Savage's other advise given previously in the column. "Butt the Fuck Out. None of Your Business."