Savage Love Apr 15, 2010 at 4:00 am

Judgment Call

Comments

1
"I suppose you could point out that women with straight husbands aren't exactly guaranteed an adultery-free ride. "

They are *never* guaranteed an adultery-free ride. Men have, will, and should sleep with whom they want, when they want, as should women. The idea that a marriage vow keeps it chaste ain't going to pass. People sleep with who they want when they want, contract, religion, promise be damned.

How do you get a guy or girl not to cheat on you? YOu can't. There's NOTHING you can do to prevent such an act, from anyone. So stop living a lie and assuming it will always be and just... Accept it! Jealousy is so weak!
2
Why make the promise in the first place then ?pgM)? You can write your own vows when you get married, why not say that you want to get it on with other people in addition to your spouse BEFORE you get married? The point about cheating is the dishonesty. If you tell someone you are theirs and theirs alone forever they take you for your word. If that is not the case then say so before you say I do. I think many people care less about sharing their spouse and more about being lied to.
3
Because your word at twentyx is not going to stand at thirtyx, fortyx, and fiftyx. We do a disservice to our youth when we lead them to believe the false idea that monogamy is realistic (or desired) for the rest of our lives.

Our society has changed, the traditions need to change with them. They will. But advice like this is on the way out. Good Riddance!

NO PROMISES!
4
Saying that monogamy isn't for anybody is just ignorant; you are saying that everyone should be poly and screw whoever they want.

Granted monogamy isn't for everyone... there are plenty of couples who are happier together because they can share the love all hippy style. If that's what floats your boat, happy sailing...

It doesn't float mine or my wifes boat; and I know we aren't alone. The thought of sharing her with another doesn't bother me from an insane jealousy stance. Its that we made (and wrote our own) vows that said we would commit ourselves to each other and each other ONLY. I for one will honor that commitment, and I have every reason to believe she will too.

In todays busy world its tough enough to get intimate time alone why would I want to share that energy with someone I'm not committed to, and why would I want her energy to go to someone else???!!!

I've had friends with benefits, and I know how hollow and empty it can be (fun at first, and then it gets weird). I've juggled multiple partners for a few months and decided its not for me.

The poly lifestyle isn't for everyone... how about we let people decide what works for them and quit telling them that their way is dumb and destined for failure.
5
Dan you are so cool sometimes. I thought I was the only one who has "dirty whore" fantasies when he sees "an experienced businesswoman." (Not that Dan has such fantasies himself, but he obviously gets it.)
6
Re: SMYS
Dan, you get experts to tell you about all kinds of kinks, toys, and pervs. Why then would you then try to field a question for a cute lesbo and tell her to wear a button that basically says I am both gay and a complete dork?

Next time you get a sincere question from a baby dyke, could you just ask another dyke to help her out? I am certainly not going to tell a fag how to pick up young interns in the restroom, so maybe consulting the experts on this issue would be best.
7
What I see here is judgment-- From both sides. The polyamory side judges anyone who still espouses monogamy as "pent up" or "bound by tradition," and the opposite side judges the polyamorists as "promiscuous" or "libertine."

I got news for ya: Everyone is doing what THEY think is moral and correct. What works for someone doesn't work for someone else. Now in the context of the question in this article, if you makes promises to someone when you're committing to each other, you should keep those promises. A contract is a contract. To say that "Our society has changed, the traditions need to change with them. They will. But advice like this is on the way out. Good Riddance!" is simply too much of a blanket indictment of something the person writing that doesn't agree with.

Society's going to keep changing. I dare say both monogamy and its opposites are going to be around for quite some time. Let's allow people the freedom to choose individually what works for them.
8
SMYS, maybe a rainbow necklace or bracelet? It's kind of blatant, but so are many sexual displays; it pays to advertise.
9
To me, the best part of a monogamous marriage is not having to date anymore. Without trying, I get more sex than I ever did single, and i don't have to worry about whether he'll call me, or whether he really likes me.
10
I agree with C. If you can't stand by your word, "w9g...", then you need to renegotiate or get out of the relationship. Age and time are no excuse for poor character.
11
I had no idea that Lipstick Lesbians had such a difficult time... 8- |

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.