Am I Philosophy-Retarded?

Have you been described as "slow," "half-witted," or "dull"? Are you boring at dinner parties? Don't worry. You're not dumb. You just need to bone up on some useful philosophy references. Think you might require some tutoring? Take this simple multiple choice definition quiz and find out. Good luck!

Define the following:

Earth, Air, Wind, and Fire:
a) The four basic constituents of the physical world, according to many early Greek philosophers.
b) A minor 1970s rock band.
c) Yoga poses.
d) Moon Unit Zappa's siblings.

a) The view that events transpire that do not have any cause.
b) The inability to make a decision.
c) The exact moment that a blind date goes bad.
d) The state of being a college freshman.

a) The term applied to 18th Century French Enlightenment thinkers such as Rousseau, Diderot, and Voltaire.
b) The term applied to people who bake with philo dough.
c) A disparaging term for philosophy majors.
d) A technical term for uncomfortable sofa beds.

Tabula rasa:
a) A Latin phrase meaning "blank slate," used by Locke to describe the state of the human mind at birth.
b) A line of table linens at Ikea.
c) A term of endearment for a popular Mexican soap star.
d) A slang term, meaning "cool" or "fab."

a) The precept that people's ideas of right and wrong vary considerably from place to place and time to time; therefore, there are no universally valid ethical standards.
b) The precept that one will not get along with one's in-laws.
c) A person's ability to relay directions in a comprehensible and succinct fashion.
d) What one is charged with if one murders one's relative.

Did you answer A to all five of the above? Congratulations, you do not need philosophy tutoring. Did you NOT answer A to all five of the above? Congratulations, you listened to your parents and did not get a degree in philosophy. You are probably very rich and happy.