Am I Having a Bad Day?

Ever have a day when you wish you hadn't been born? Of course you have! Everyone has dark days, even celebrities! Even George Hamilton has woken up wishing someone would just cleave him in two with a long sword. Yet despite their ubiquity, many people are loathe to admit they are having a bad day rather than simply an "off-day" or a "Mon-day." How do you know if you're having a legitimate my-sister-is-addicted-to-heroin-and-my-new-CD-isn't-selling kind of bad day? Take this easy true/false quiz and find out! Good luck.

T F My dog pooped on my dining room table.

T F My band had just launched its tour, when the bass player died.

T F I accidentally ate a whole box of toffee and chocolate chip Harvest PowerBars, when I meant to only eat two.

T F I'm usually really good at golf, but I had my worst round as a professional in the third round of the British Open.

T F I just filed for divorce from the guy whose name I have tattooed on my arm.

T F I recently lost a very lucrative sports endorsement.

T F The janitor at work threw away my rubberband ball.

T F I discovered this morning that my police record has a scratch on it.

T F My stupid daughter Naomi just got herself sent back into rehab, and my brother hasn't returned my calls since he moved into the White House.

T F I lost my Palm Pilot.

T F I was single-handedly responsible for the collapse of the world's largest economic system.

T F Chocolate has recently started making me gassy.

T F I told a U.S. Senate committee that I was unaware of any efforts by Enron to manipulate energy prices in the California power crisis. I lied.

T F I tried to plead guilty to conspiring in the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, but a federal judge refused to let me.

T F I bought some Vicodin from some lady on the street and it turned out to just be Vitamin C.

T F I am the CEO of ConAgra Beef.

T F I totally spaced that my "Self-Hell" column was due today.

Did you answer yes to 10 or more of the above? It is very likely that you are having a bad day. People who are having a bad day often do not get along with anyone. They especially do not get along with people who are having a good day, people with whom they are having sex, or people who try to be helpful in a retail environment. Men who are having a bad day are prone to road rage and heavy drinking. Women just tend to buy French fries and pointy-toed shoes.