Am I a Hippie?

After receiving many reader letters surrounding a recent column by Ann Romano, editors at the Portland Mercury have been forced to face an unsettling question: Are some of our readers hippies? After struggling with the notion and its implications for several days, the editors have asked the Self-Hell Institute in Helsinki at Madison, Wisconsin, to come up with a definitive quiz. Are you a hippie? And if you are, are you concerned about the Mercury's anti-hippie rhetoric? Please take some time to fill out this easy true/false quiz and mail it in to the hippie-hating Mercury, attention "Hippie Pride!"

T F I have a compost pile.
T F
I have taken apart the engine of a VW bus.
T F
I have put back together the engine of a VW bus.
T F
I have made my girlfriend/boyfriend a macramé vest.
T F
I have tie-dyed a T-shirt.
T F
I have tie-dyed a pair of tube socks.
T F
I have tie-dyed a bedspread.
T F
I know how to grow an avocado from a seed in a jar.
T F
I know how to milk a goat.
T F
I know how to do a handstand.
T F
The only song I know how to play on the guitar is "Sugar Magnolia."
T F I live in a rotting Victorian.
T F
I live in a teepee.
T F
I live in a redwood.
T F
In my free time I like to play hackey-sack.
T F
In my free time I like to meditate.
T F
In my free time I like to smoke dope.
T F
I have flashed a peace sign in a non-ironic manner.
T F
If you looked in my freezer, you'd find freezer pesto.
T F
If you looked in my freezer, you'd find millet casserole.
T F
If you looked in my freezer, you'd find dope.
T F
My first name is a noun.
T F
My favorite movie is Medium Cool.
T F
My favorite book is Trout Fishing in America.
T F
If I could be any literary character, I'd be Frodo Baggins.
T F
Ann Romano can kiss my scrawny, hemp-clad ass.

Did you answer "true" to ten or more of the above? Congratulations--chances are, you're a hippie! Hippies get along well with gurus, people who own functional glass sculpture shops, and Volkswagen repairmen. They do not get along well with The Man, people who work for The Man, or people associated with institutions that are funded by, linked to, or otherwise related to The Man.