Am I a Clone?

The French-racecar-driver-worshiping Raëlians have announced that two clones have been born and that dozens more are due in the next few months. This has led to a great deal of international speculation as to the validity of the Raëlians' claims, as well as the identity and location of the "clones." Do you know a Dutch lesbian couple who recently had a baby? Call OPB STAT! But first make the baby take this quiz.

T F My name is "Eve."

T F Strangers are always asking me for my DNA.

T F A group of deranged Christians keep picketing my house.

T F I was turned down when I applied for federal funding.

T F I have three kidneys.

T F I have flippers.

T F Sometimes I feel like I'm not an individual.

T F My dad says that I'm "a chip off the old block."

T F My mom calls me "mini-me."

T F I found a bunch of jars with pickled fetuses under a trap door in our rec room.

T F I'm pretty sure I'm not Catholic.

T F I woke up the other night and someone was trying to harvest my stem cells.

T F I feel most comfortable around people who look and act like me.

T F I tried to learn how to play sax, but my music teacher said I didn't have any soul.

T F Men in white coats weigh my bowel movements and keep track of the numbers on a chart.

T F ABC is making a movie about my life starring the baby from Look Who's Talking.

T F I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

T F My only outfit is a silver jumpsuit with "#28" stitched on the breast.

T F Sometimes I feel like I'm part of an elaborate hoax.

T F I look just like Farrah Fawcett.

Did the baby answer "true" to ten or more of the above? Chances are it's a clone! Clones get along well with Alzheimer's patients and people on organ transplant waiting lists. They do not get along with the Pope, the Bush administration, or science reporters. Their lungs tend to collapse when they get overly excited.