Listen here, you stupid piece of shit: Who the fuck do you think you are to startle me from my slumber? I live in a secured building, how the fuck did you end up at my door? And why the fuck are you knocking? You think I don't have a life and I have time to sit terrified in my apartment for hours at a time? I have no peephole, do you really think I'm going to get out of my bed and answer the door to some silent, creepy stalker in the middle of the night? You're crazy—you must be fucking insane! What'd you do? Break a window? How the hell did you get in here? Lurking, shifting, sniffling. I see your shadow from under the door. Are you sitting? Are you standing? I can't tell because you are SILENT. I'm not answering the door! You fucking creep, get the hell out of my building, get the fuck away from my door, and if I see your shadow, or hear you knock one more fucking time you better be ready for some bear spray to the eyes, or some electrodes to the fucking nervous system, because I will TASE YOUR ASS! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BUILDING, AND MORE SPECIFICALLY MY FRONT DOOR!—Anonymous
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.