When did Portlanders throw common cinematic courtesy out the window? Suddenly going to the movies in this town is like going to a mandatory middle-school assembly. You people have the attention spans of goldfish and the manners of a pack of hyenas. If you haven't noticed, the "silent" setting on your phone is not so silent when you wedge it next to the seat and let it send small tremors down the row every 10 minutes; it is especially un-fucking-silent when you answer the damn thing in the theater. Texting is not as discreet as you think when your 200 mega-watt-mega-pixel display shines like a beacon directly into my eyes. Please practice common sense when choosing a movie. For instance, if sex scenes elicit an audible "eww," avoid any ratings beyond PG. And for God's sake, if you're taking your five-year-old with you, avoid the 11 pm showing of the latest slasher. If you can't handle sitting through a two-hour movie, you are either three years old or you need to take your fucking Ritalin. If that doesn't work, please save your money and mine by waiting until it comes out on DVD so you can watch it in 20-minute intervals and laugh hysterically when a somber scene makes you uncomfortable.—Anonymous

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