Sure, Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday developed exclusively to turn single people into shut-ins--but don't let it get the best of you. Skip the traditional hoo-ha (fancy restaurants, chocolate--or more likely, sulking) and make Valentine's Day happy again. Check this roundup of events designed to distract you all week.

Sex Toy Shopping Party at Spartacus

Single or hitched, check out the array of activities Spartacus has going on, like food and drinks, lingerie modeling by the Porcelain Twinz, lube testing and 25% off all purchases. Hot!

Spartacus, 300 SW 12th, Thurs Feb 10, 7-9 pm, free

Mercury's Lovelab Pre-Valentine's Cocktail Hour

Get together with sexy cyber-savvy singles, slam cocktails, play "saucy" bingo, and work up the nerve to ask that hottie to the Prozac Film Fest screening of Valley Girl (directly after the cocktail party, so no procrastinating).

Cocktail Hour @ Nightlight, 20th & SE Clinton, Fri Feb 11, 8 pm, free

Anti-Valentine's Day Ball

Goth music (DJs Hellraver, Carrion, Uberlush, NoN, etc. and NYC band Terrorfakt) and shots of whiskey. Oh, how I love anti-love.

Sabala's, 4811 SE Hawthorne, Fri Feb. 11, 9 pm


It's a raffle, a card making party, and a synth music show (music by Botielus), and costume party (dress arty) all in one.

Tribe Theatre & Art Gallery, 510 NW Glisan, Fri Feb. 11, 11 pm-1 am (short party, take note), $3

Triangle Productions! Presents Bad Dates

Local hottie Daria O'Neill stars in this one-woman show about the tribulations of love and dating. Relevant!

Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Fri-Sat Feb. 11-12, 8 pm, $17-23

C-Spot's "Love Me, Love My Dog"

Spend three more hours of your life eating, drinking, obsessing over your dog--then go home and jerk off to

Unleash Yourself, 1211 NE Alberta, Sat Feb 12, 7-10 pm, $10 for owner & pet

Valentine's "No Date Required" Dance

Meet, mingle, dance, and drink (if you're over 21) whilst digging the raucous music of Lily Wilde and her 17-piece Jumpin' Jubilee Orchestra.

Norse Hall, 111 NE 11th, Sat Feb 12, 7:30 pm-12 (swing dance lesson included, starts at 7:30), $12-15, all ages

Stripper Bingo

Art-Fringe group the Cacophony Society hosts stripper bingo at the A-Crop. Remember to dress in formal attire, bring dollar bills, and enjoy an evening of X-rated prizes, booze, naked ladies, and not-so-intense competition.

Acropolis Club, 8325 SE McLoughlin, 231-9611, Mon Feb 14, 7-10 pm, free

Valentine's Day Formal

Drink martinis, visit the kissing booth, and dance your cares away with Dantronix.

Tube, 18 NW 3rd, Mon Feb. 14, 10 pm, free KATIE SHIMER