Ziggy Aguilera writes, "I agree with last week's letter about the inanity of your comics page. Very rarely are they funny, and even more rarely can I understand what the hell they talk about." Ziggy, we at the Mercury realize that not everyone can understand everything all the time. To clear things up for you and any others who might be wondering how and where to find the humor of our comics page, I've taken the liberty of putting together what I like to think of as a shortcut to the hearty laughter you've been missing.

Ziggy, you're gonna love this one. A rat is lost, wandering, bereft of identity. Who is he? Where does he come from? Where does he fit within his universe? Thankfully, a collision with an old man brings the answer: he is an asshole! Now, of course the word "ASSHOLE" is funny! But wait--it gets a lot better! Did I mention he's a RAT?! And did you happen to notice that HE TALKS?!!! A talking rat who's also an asshole? Now you're talking hilarious!

Cartoon Valu Pak
Man, Gary Lucy really delivers on this one, Ziggy! Lucy combines famous "Talking Animal" Scooby Doo with controversial death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal. Although it appears "Moomy-Aboo" might have just murdered someone, Vincent Price finally gets the blame! Get it? Man, that's funny! And oh--Moomy is on the radio. That's funny, too.

You know, Ziggy, I've got to call bullshit on this one. It doesn't make any fucking sense at all. You've got us there.

Dwarf Attack
A series of comedic vignettes? ALWAYS FUNNY! Here, a harmless, common hat is the unifying element amidst of scenes of horrifying carnage! As if that wasn't enough, Stump also manages to employ what humorists have long recognized as the Holy Trinity of Laughter: A giant fish, a dog in a ski cap, and a gruesome piñata accident. Greg Stump: genius.

Smell of Steve
Here's where things get AMAZING. Slurpee McFee goes for broke with a winning plotline in which a dog (A TALKING DOG!!!) pretends to be JESUS, back on Earth after 2,000 years. Faced with doubters, our pious pooch reacts with a fury worthy of the actual Son of God--he calls on God to punish them for their impudence! I can't wait for more!

Well, Ziggy, I sure hope this little exercise has given you new insight into what's funny. Thanks for writing. And don't hesitate to let us know if we can be of further help.