New Column! “I Passed My Hep C Test!” by Ryan Seacrest



Can't wait for these...
I’m trying it rough, by Shia LeBeouf
I’ll get on top for a turn, by Laura Dern
I’m getting that rash again, by Khloe Kardashian
I’m out of Vaseline, by Adam Levine
I’m fine with that, thanks, by Azealia Banks
It’s a gnarly machine, by Charlie Sheen
I call it my muscle hand, by Russell Brand
I’m into sticky massage, by Nicki Minaj
It’s the wrong spoon though, by Bong Joon-Ho
I’m not really Irish, by Billie Eilish


Who is going to tell him that "positive" doesn't mean "passed" when it comes to hep C testing?


I've never seen Goonies! by George Clooney
Let me use the thresher! by Fran Drescher
That's good to know! by Bell Biv Devoe
I can't tend a bar! by Pat Benetar
Don't eat Baby Ruth! by Charlie Puth
You took the last scone! by Emma Stone
Let's get down to bonin'! by Saorise Ronan
The world needs more madams! by Amy Adams
Who are you, the mayor of Hamburg?! by Andy Samberg
I really like Hanson! by Ted Danson


I really can’t wait for the day when jokes about stigmatized diseases are no longer socially acceptable. It’s not really all that funny and at this point pretty overplayed and unoriginal.