First off, you must be careful in regards to your consumption of alcohol. Alcohol seems like a nice, inviting friend, but truly this is the drink of the devil. For instance, when I was 18, I used to send off fairly bad poetry to this man I was in love with under the influence of Joy Division and an entire bottle of red wine. And I wondered why he didn't welcome me into his arms! What foolishness! More recently, I got all hooched up and went out to Chopsticks karaoke bar (that in itself is embarrassing) and picked up a lawyer, of all people, after some lip service with my close personal friend, Captain Morgan. See what atrocities this snifter leads to! If you are going to drink, do it in the safety of your own home. And no matter what, do not call any of your exes, especially those residing two time zones away. This is a common mistake.
Now we must discuss an unhealthy duration of Internet activity. Yes, it is cold outside, but the warm emoticons and "lol"s of "HoneyPot77" aren't the answer to your restless nights. I myself have not been sucked into the lurid, pathetic whirlpool of chat rooms, but I have known more than a few who have! Know the warning signs! You might have a problem if you are losing sleep, updating your "personal profile" daily, or if your face emits a monitor blue glow. Also, be warned of the lure of meeting up with your "true love" in her hometown.
Do not lose hope--spring is just around the corner! And with spring comes sunshine, bumblebees, and new crushes. Scantily clad young women will come out of the woodwork in droves, just waiting for you to woo them into a dewy meadow. When you see those newly emerging tan lines, you'll be glad you didn't blow $400 on a plane ticket to Scranton.
