Haunted Houses

You're not really living unless you're crapping your pants with fear, and this October the Portland haunted house scene wants to provide you with the laxative.

The 13th Door (Washington Square, 730-4579). The most intriguing thing about this house is its location in an ACTUAL haunted area: an old, abandoned Regal movie theater. Of course, there's no guarantee the living ghosts will visit during your tour of the house, but the capable cast will do all they can to provide a substitute. Indeed, the website warns: "we will not be responsible for the kids who cannot sleep due to the nightmares."

FaustFaust (The Liminal Space, 890-2993). One of Portland's most provocative theater companies, Liminal, presents a four-room gallery of macabre specters inspired by scenes from the tragedy of Dr. Faustus. Eerie, improvised interactions between actors, vocalists, and musicians fill the space, ensuring you'll never see the same show twice!

Scream at the Beach (Jantzen Beach,

www.screamatthebeach.com) . Portland's BIGGEST haunted house attraction offers FIVE different attractions to choose from, including: the Forbidden Temple, Baron Von Goolo's Museum of Horrors, Alpha Station 13, Theater Macabre, and Nigel's Haunted Playhouse (for the kiddies). Plus, tarot card readings, and something called "remote scare" stations, "where you can participate in the tour scares by remote control!" Whatever that means, it sounds frightfully fun! JUSTIN SANDERS

Swap Records... And Spit!

Whose record collection couldn't use a little revampingÉ or a little throwing out the window and starting the hell over? Well, it's a perfect time to get your vinyl on at the Night Owl Record Swap. If you need to purge all those Smiths records, you can purchase a table at the event for $12-15. And if your record collection still consists of Smells Like Teen Spirit and Dirt, you can just show up, grab a Bloody at the Eagle's Lodge bar, and thumb through the selections. Most of the merch will be vinyl, but CDs, tapes, and memorabilia will be scattered throughout. Plus, while not intending to be, this is a great singles' mixer, since you'll get to scope out not only a whole room full of youthful audiophiles, but their telling purchases as well: "Oh, that dude's buying a GWAR record, what a loser!" Or, "That hunk of man-meat is picking up Souls of Mischief, I think I'm in love!" There will also be food for the eating, DJs for the listening and--if you're insane--dancing, and games of pool for couples newly united under the joyful blanket of a shared love of music. Thanks Night Owl Record Swap, for being so many great things rolled into one. KATIE SHIMER

Eagle's Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne, 284-4828 for info, Saturday October 4, 5-9 pm, $1 admission

Mystery Theater's Night Run

Hate the teeth-clenching sappiness of Tony and Tina's Wedding? Then put the "active" back in "interactive" theater with The Northwest Mystery Theater's Night Run--where YOU play the secret agent.

Here's the set-up: You, along with nine others, are given instructions via email to meet at a secret Portland location. From there you solve a puzzle in order to meet your "contact" who orders you to deliver some secret documents. However, something really bad happens and suddenly it doesn't feel like a game anymore; you've been framed, and you have 90 minutes to race around town, clear your name, and rescue a hostage--or she DIES.

And, according to director Bill Bateman, there are even more flies in the ointment. "You really have to use your brain," he says, "because if you mess up, you're gonna have the 'cleaners' [hitmen] on your tail."

Participating in Night Run "is like a tense, exciting scavenger hunt with a secret agent motif," says Bateman, "and nothing like your average mystery dinner theater experience. I hate those guys worse than mimes." WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Reservations strongly suggested! Call 800-820-6968. Performances start at 6 pm with groups leaving every 30 minutes until 8:30. Thursday, Oct 2 and Friday Oct 4 (with more dates through October). Price: $33 per person, or $62 per couple. Location: Classified.

Doughnut Eating Contest

The current speed-eating record for the three-quarter-pound Apple Fritter stands at two minutes and 44 seconds. The equally massive Tex-Ass Doughnut was chomped down in two minutes flat, humiliating the previous record by 18 seconds.

If not an art form, Voodoo Doughnut has at least turned doughnut eating into a sport. On the first Friday of every month, the late-night eatery hosts an eating competition. This month's challenge is all about quantity. How many doughnuts can you eat in five minutes? The trick is not simply putting them down your gullet, but keeping them down.

"Puking is more honorable than cheating," insists Kenneth Pogson, the Doughnut Baron.

The current "most doughnuts in five minutes" record, set in July, stands at a very beatable 13. In addition to bragging rights, winners get their photos posted on Voodoo's walls, and an automatic berth in the doughnut decathlon scheduled for next summer. PB

Voodoo Doughnut, 22 SW 3rd, 241-4704, Friday, October 3, midnight, free, (Impromptu walk-in challenges are also accepted.)