PIZZAZZ! Talent Show

Answer this simple question: DO YOU LIKE ENTERTAINMENT? If you said "Yes," then get ready for the biggest, funnest night of entertainment you'll see all year. It's called "PIZZAZZ!" the hee-lariously fun talent show starring the brightest stars of the Portland metropolitan area in a head-to-head, winner-take-all competition!

Singing, dancing, saw-playing, rapping, stand-up comedy, magic, feats of mental genius, and much, much more--and it's only the tip of the talent iceberg you'll be witnessing at this year's PIZZAZZ! Plus, the grand prize winner will take home 500 BUCKS, plus an automatic entry in the Northwest PIZZAZZ! finals on September 3rd in Seattle.

And as your host, I, Wm. Steven Humphrey will strive to be entertaining as well, providing a whiz-bang opening number that I promise you WILL NEVER FORGET. However, on the off chance I suck, you'll still have a full evening of the finest entertainment money can buy--and at the low, low price of only $5!

Now that's what we call... PIZZAZZ! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

PIZZAZZ! Talent Show, Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, Saturday, Aug 21, ONLY $5!

Dodgeball Day

Ah, junior high school... Remember when it rained, and your androgynous P.E. teacher would announce it was "dodgeball day"? Then you'll also remember how "dodgeball day" was code for "Get ready to get your ass handed to you by jocks whipping red rubber balls at your face." Dodgeball wasn't much fun then, but now you're bigger and stronger, and perhaps it's your turn to do some ball chucking. Conveniently, L.A.-based Dodgeball 4 Ever and Portland Coed Adult Dodgeball are throwing an '80s-themed dodgeball tournament this Saturday, with six-on-six teams (either coed or male) battling for something called "the Beaver Ball Trophy." It's a guaranteed good time, as long as you're willing to follow Dodgeball 4 Ever's rules--which include "no tasers and/or ninja weaponry of any kind," "no spandex unitards, storm trooper costumes, or gimp outfits," and--before you get any ideas--"If you have a midget or small child on your team, you will not be allowed to throw said teammate at the opposing side, even if your teammate is holding a ball." Fair enough. Erik Henriksen

Saturday, August 21, starts at noon. Central Catholic High School, 2401 SE Stark. For registration info, hit or

Skating and Bowling

Sometimes I just like to get in my car and drive, but unfortunately, I can't think of any place to go. The outlet mall in Troutdale sucks, and I'm too lazy and poor to make it to Seattle. But hey, what about Hillsboro? Not only does this close-but-far Portland suburb have a great big Target store, it's got a bitchin' Adult Skate Night at Skate World, and a bitchin' hipster friendly bowling alley that serves up beer and rock music.

The best time to road trip out to Hillsboro Skate World is Tuesday night for adult skate. The reason it's "adult" is because you'll be hearing four letter words over the loudspeaker, and DJ Shawn'll be mixing adult friendly disco tunes with adult friendly Ludacris bangers. Skate your ass off, and brush up on your hiphop lingo while you're at it, shorty.

Find yourself looking for some action on a Thursday? Visit the Four Seasons "bowl for buck" night. Pay five bucks at the door, get buck beer, buck food, and buck bowling in return. Plus, this Thursday check bands Pdex, Lindsay Pool, and Faded, who play while you bowl. Wow. Suddenly it's like Hillsboro has morphed into friggin' Six Flags. KATIE SHIMER

Hillsboro Skate World, Adult Skate Night, Tuesdays 7-10 pm, 4395 SE Witch Hazel Rd., 640-1333, $6.75; Four Seasons Bowl, Thursday night buck night, 322 SE Washington, 7:30 pm, $5 at the door

"You Promised!" Forums

Worried that politicians are all sizzle and no substance? Tired of politicians flashing a gleaming smile instead of talking to you straight? Well, so is the Mercury. That's why we're hoping to pin down our local officials and make them tell us--in specific terms--how they plan to save the city, to jumpstart the economy, to clean up the river, and to do something more than talk in vague terms.

Starting this Thursday, the Mercury will sponsor a series of three town hall-styled forums called "You Promised!" Both remaining mayoral hopefuls--Tom Potter and Jim Francesconi--will be there. Nick Fish and Sam Adams, who are competing for the one remaining open seat on city council, will also participate.

For each forum, every candidate has pledged to provide no fewer than five specific promises for ordinances or projects to introduce during his first year in office. Each candidate will only have a couple of minutes to introduce their proposed projects and thoughts. After that, the floor is open to you, the public! So bring your questions, and make your politicians accountable. The first forum, co-sponsored with the Oregon Bus Project, will focus on arts and culture in Portland! Phil Busse

Pacific Northwest College of Art, 1241 NW Johnson, 6:30 pm, Thursday, Aug 19, free