Mercury 5th Anniversary Party

Against all odds, the Portland Mercury is celebrating its FIFTH ANNIVERSARY with an all-star blowout party--and we want you to come! It's all going down at the Bossanova--where drinks will flow and blood will spill--and where our good friends and super-special guests, Pedro the Lion, have generously offered to entertain.

Pedro the Lion? That Christian band? Au contraire, mon frere! While Pedro's David Bazan may have a lot to say about the search for peace in this rotten world, he dishes out just as much shit about organized religion. It's a brilliant combo of poignancy and moral ferocity, dipped in an indie/country rock batter. Plus, backing up the Lion is crowd fave Crosstide, who can spiral from the heights of bliss to a crashing fury in a matter of notes. And just to help round out a perfect evening, K Records' The Blow (AKA Khaela Maricich) will be on hand to add her post-modern and post-coital cooings to what should certainly be the sexiest fifth birthday party of the year! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Bossanova, 722 E Burnside, Fri July 22, 9 pm, $10 advance, $12 door

Dance Party Madness

There are very few things that get me to dance, and these are limited to hallucinogenic mushrooms (not pretty), male strippers, extreme amounts of alcohol (also not pretty), and a really great DJ. A middling DJ won't do it. I'll step out on the dance floor for a minute, lazily swing my arms around like a monkey, then quickly proclaim, "This is fucking boring!" and return to the bar. It must be a DJ who's truly "bangin'" to get these block feet a-dancing.

Enter Stylus503, a new monthly DJ showcase event at one of the greatest bars ever, Acme. This evening is an all-star roundup of Portland's best DJs, mixing and matching and virtually guaranteeing you'll find something to jump around to. Performing are the talented hiphop DJ Reverend Shines of the Lifesavas crew, and The Incredible Kid and DJ Anjali with their funky Bhangra blends. DJ Beyonda mashes up songs, hiphop, and more, while DJ Dan Blaker rocks the soul and funk. Then DJ Chris Funk shows his hiphop knowledge, plus '70s psych. And along with all that madness comes the soul cuts from DJ Arkitek, and DJ Safi's potluck of new wave, indie, downtempo, and more. Whoa, that's more DJ action than most people get in a lifetime, and it's yours for the taking. Finally, my DJ orgy fantasy comes true. KATIE SHIMER
ACME, SE 8th & Main, Sat July 23, 9 pm, free

Sculpture As Sport

Now in its third year of explosive creative outpouring, Iron Artist 2005 once again pits teams of artists against each other in a savage contest of spontaneous sculpture. Decked out in crazy costumes, with legions of fans and--yes!--cheerleaders screaming them on, the teams have three hours to create a brilliant new work of art from a box of recycled materials provided by nonprofit organizations: SCRAP, the ReBuilding Center, Wacky Willy's, and Free Geek. Ratcheting the tension ever tighter, "raucous referees" (read: drunken) will throw yellow flags at rule breakers, and a slew of celebrity judges, including Metro's David Bragdon, the one-and-only Daria O'Neill, and the Mercury's own Marjorie Skinner, will award prizes to their favorite teams and sculptures.

But, Dear Reader, don't expect to just stand around watching this display in an art-nerd orgiastic stupor all afternoon--nay, the festivities surrounding Iron Artist 2005 are a virtual cornucopia of music, entertainment, and general carousing. Set inside the lovely Wonder Ballroom, the event features "scrappy carnival games," the thrilling cadence of MarchFourth, loudmouthed emcees Bobby Soxx and Bootsy Mylar, and just in case your face isn't already numb with anticipation--a huge raffle with prizes like a gift certificate to Wildwood, Music Millennium merchandise, and tickets to the upcoming Portland Center Stage season. AHH! And don't forget--don't you ever forget, you soused lush you--beer! And lots of it!! JUSTIN W. SANDERS
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, Sat July 23, 4-10 pm, $5-20 sliding scale

The Dude Goes Bowling

If I could only take one film with me to a desert island, it'd probably… not be The Big Lebowski, as much as I love it. Were I exiled to a bowling alley, however? Well, then there'd be no question: In that instance, yes, I would instantly choose The Big Lebowski.

Why? Because it 1) Is fucking hilarious, 2) Is about bowling, 3) Stars Jeff Bridges as "The Dude," possibly the coolest character/role model that cinema has ever created, and 4) Is even more fucking hilarious than noted above. So you can imagine how stoked I am about The Dude Goes Bowling, an "evening of Lebowski fun" that features bowling, music from the Dutch 200s, plenty of White Russians, other bowlers dressed up in bathrobes, and, doubtlessly, a shit-ton of quoting from the flick. ("Shut the fuck up, Donny!") In other words, it'll probably be the coolest night of bowling ever, and it'll all be themed around one of the coolest movies ever, and if that ain't a perfect combination, I don't know what is. ERIK HENRIKSEN

AMF Pro 300, 3031 SE Powell, Tues July 26, 8 pm, $8 (includes shoe rental, two hours of bowling, and music)