New Year's Party Roundup!

There's more pressure on you to have fun this New Year's Eve than there was on my girlfriend to give some up on prom night '93. So how are you going to deal with this imperative to party like it's 1979? That's easy: We've put together a whole guide of festivities designed to say adios to 2005. Throw a dart at this page and you'll hit a rockin' good time (unless you land on the words "my girlfriend" or "prom night '93.") What, you don't believe me? Then call Jennifer Broussard down in Louisiana. She'll tell you that I really mean it when I say, "Come on... it'll be fun!" CHAS BOWIE

Storm and the Balls, Karaoke from Hell

What better way to go out than rocking on stage with a live band jamming "Every Rose has its Thorn" behind you? Okay—maybe staring at Storm Large's sexy rump?

Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $10

Kittenz, Copy, DJs Beyonda, Sew What, 4 Star

All-night electronica dance party where you just might find me poppin' and lockin' with Baby New Year.

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $7, $3 before 10 pm

High on Fire, Fall of the Bastards,Alderbaran, Drink the Bleach

Kick off 2006 in a neckbrace after banging your wicked little head all night to this hesher-rock extravaganza.

Sabala's Mt. Tabor, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 9:30 pm, $10

Lifesavas, Lightheaded, DJ Kez

Hippa to the hoppa and you just don't stoppa!

Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $20

Dead Moon, Flapjacks, Lovely

See My, What a Busy Week! pg. 15.

Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 9:45 pm, $10

Fir Ball with Dahlia, Suckapunch

Electronic experimentation and sultry vocals from Dahlia, preceded by Suckapunch's lyrical flow. Not a bad way to end 2005. Not a bad way at all.

Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $25-30

Helio Sequence, 31 Knots, Lackthereof, Koto y Soto, DJs Teenage, Gregarious, Aquaman

See My, What a Busy Week! pg. 15.

Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $12-15


Ever heard "Auld Lang Syne" as a jug solo before?

White Eagle Saloon, 836 NE Russell, 9:30 pm, $15

The Retros

Here's your chance to greet 2006 with a band that'll play all your favorite songs from 1987! When you wake up, you'll be a high school freshman all over again.

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 9 pm, $27.50-33


The new (non-smoking) Saturday night party at Porky's kicks off tonight with DJ Puppet, free food, and bubbly at midnight. Oh yes, North Lombard will get crunked tonight!

Porky's, 835 N Lombard, 10 pm, $5

Cracker, Camper Van Beethoven

Why not let the last words to come out of your mouth this year be "Being with you girl/It's like being low/Hey, hey, hey, like being stoned" as you shout along to one of the best songs of the '90s?

Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 9 pm, $25-30

DJ Synthetic, Wanda Weegee

Wiccas need to have fun, too, so Crush delivers Wanda Weegee, who will cast spells, give you a tarot reading, or make personal charms for the new year. After the midnight balloon drop, shake your pagan ass with DJ Synthetic.

Crush, 1412 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, free

Pink Martini, Jimmy Scott and the Jazz Expressions, the Lions of Batacuda

True, Pink Martini may be a little schmaltzy and over the top for everyday listening, but what's New Year's Eve if not schmaltzy and over the top? Pink Martini will definitely pull out all the stops for this show, and they're bringing a slew of special guests. Plus, they're doing two shows—an early one for the old folks and another for the freaks who come out at night.

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 7 pm & 10:30 pm, $25-60