Good people whose good fun is being ruined by MillerCoors and the State of Illinois.

Last week New York Magazine published this article that basically says that ladies are the super lushes of the future and that it's because of feminism. But they also say that alcopops (does anyone use this word?) are to blame because they get us hooked and they get us hooked young. Well today MillerCoors has announced that as part of an agreement with Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan, they will discontinue Sparks, the delicious, Smarties-flavored beverage that combines caffeine and alcohol in a sleek and portable can. THIS IS A TRAVESTY, OBVS. I mean, you know those nights when you are totally sleepy and kind of just want to go to bed, but then everyone is hanging out so you're like, "fine, you've peer pressured me into it, I'll hang out," but you know you will need some help or else you're going to be Debbie Downer, so you go to 7-11 and you survey your options and the only delicious and not scary choice (I'm looking at you, Five Hour Energy Drink), is Sparks. I mean what are you supposed to do in this situation now? The only obvious choice that I can see is coke. Or Coke. But either way, it won't be the same.