This calls for a blogtown poll on the subjects of weekly drinking, masturbating and, since it's Portland, smoking weed. One questionnaire for each gender, no BS options - THIS IS SCIENCE.

By the way, my answers to all are "until the tears stop, the pain goes away, or the police arrive."

Selective self-reporting. I don't tell my doctor I drink a bottle of red wine every night, either.

I second the motion (but I don't know how to create polls). Anyone?

Drink until the police go away.

I start on monday and finish on sunday, putting me firmly in the 1 time per week, 11 or more drinks per time crowd.

As someone with a more-than-passing acquaintance with college counseling centers, I'm here to deliver the bad news. People tend to rely on their own estimates about their peer groups, rather than the population at large. One technique used to reduce substance abuse is to show people exactly what the general population is up to and normalize the fact that it's okay if they don't party as hard as everyone else in their dorm.

That being said, I'd drink three times a week if I wasn't so old and tired. Enjoy.

@ drjeff, thanks but I don't care about the general population, and I certainly don't care about the population that reads Esquire (sorry, Tony!).

That's why I want hard, unscientific data about blogtown's pooping habits.

The masturbation poll options are terrible. It goes from 2-3 times per year to once a month to 1-3 times per week. If one masturbates twice per month, or once every other month, how are they supposed to answer? BAD POLL DESIGN RAGE

I remember being in Ireland and when I told the doctor that I was having around thirty drinks a week she said that was technically on the high side but about normal.

Man, I miss the place.

@CC If there's a better place to find the must-buy $3000 watches of the season, I'd sure like to know about it.

@ Tony, call your predecessor. He's Portland's go-to guy for all things opulently vacuous.

I kid, PAC!

Joneser stop being so funny please. Don't make me hit you. Again.

People actually chose 'Once a week or less' for "How often do you have a bowel movement"? Time to see a doctor.

24% of poll respondents took the poll with their wives in the room.