As far as dessert wines go, "Anybody could give you five $100 bottles, and say 'These are the best, but you can't afford them, you little proletariat piece of shit,'" says Damon. So here are some more realistic options. Okay, one expensive one.

- Errazuriz 2000 Late Harvest Sauvignon Blanc: "It's not super sweet. Some dessert wines are like candy."

- Guenoc 1999 Vintage Port: "Anyone who knows about Lillie Langtry--the 19th Century man-izer, sexpot, and movie star--will appreciate this. Her winery makes really good low- to mid-priced wine."

- Kiona 2002 White Riesling: "Awful, but cheap. If you want a good wine buzz and wake up feeling awful--go for a Riesling!"

- Chateau Lorane Life Force Mead: "Hippie honey mead for the Birkenstock set. Decidedly hip to organic farm culture. Great for smoking a joint in a sweat lodge."

- Royal Oporto 20-Year-Old Tawny: "For those Enron fuckers who make sure us bartenders will never retire."

Stephanie Smith
From Café Arte
420 SE 6th

It's a little hard to find if you don't already know it's there, but Café Arte is a hospitable little hole in the wall with a cozy space, lots of art, and--if you're lucky--a nice girl like Stephanie waiting behind the counter, playing some of her favorite music. Such asÉ

- Sunny Day Real Estate: "They're like rock, but not too loud. They're easy to listen toÉ I like the mellow stuff."

- Elliott Smith: "It's actually been harder for me to listen to him since he died."

- Jeff Buckley: "Just amazing--his voice, and also as a songwriter. He made one major album before he drowned in the Mississippi. And then he got big after he was dead."

- Songs: Ohia: "Very mellow, and also very poetic."

- At The Drive In: "Much more fast-paced; more rock. Sometimes I like something more upbeat for cleaning or waking myself up."